Listening to a person in grief is probably one of the most helpful things a friend can do. It is also one of the hardest. Friends usually wonder what will help and what will make things worse. What happens if I say the wrong thing?

• Don't let your questions stop you. Tell your friend you don't know what to say or do. Your friend probably feels awkward as well.

• Don't assume other people are caring for your friend. You are needed. Some people may actually shy away from a grieving person, because death makes us uncomfortable.

• If you say something wrong, it isn't the end of the world. Tell your friend your real intention.

• Ask about more than the grief. Illness and death aren't the only things going on. Talk about things you normally would.

• Grieving is a marathon-not a sprint. The grieving process takes a year to eighteen months. Watch out for your friend over the long haul, especially around holidays and the anniversary of the death.

• Let people talk freely. Your friend may suddenly recall a memory or a funny story. One minute he or she will be laughing, and then suddenly the tears come. Let your friend lead the way.

• Be practical. Let the administration and teachers know what is going on. Drive your friend home. Be available at the funeral. Don't take over, but be ready to help out.

• Find someone to talk to. Things will be crazy for a while, but eventually you'll get your friend back. In the mean time, find someone you can talk to when you feel overwhelmed by it all.

• Pray. Pray for your friend and for wisdom to know what would be helpful. Ask God to meet you and them.