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Stan cornered me at an InterVarsity^® camp one night after my sophomore year and really let me have it. Stan and I had been in a small group and on our leadership team together all year. He was a little older than I, but he always spent extra time talking to me. He often visited me in my sorority, bringing me books and articles he thought would help me grow. He was also one of the few in our fellowship who wasn't fooled by my "together" appearance. Stan knew that I was actually living quite a double life as a leader. I was seeing a less-than-committed-to-Christ boyfriend, and I had recently missed a leadership meeting because I had a hangover. Stan lovingly, but firmly, pointed out those issues in my life which were keeping me from following Jesus wholeheartedly. He would not let me wander away.
I haven't been the same since that night fifteen years ago. How I appreciated someone loving me enough to risk challenging me! As a leader, Stan was a good shepherd. And there are others I know.
Carolyn was a junior at UCLA. She and others from her InterVarsity^® fellowship moved into the residence halls in order to live out the gospel among fellow students, loving them as Jesus would.
Carolyn began a Bible study in her hall and soon met a new student named Jenny. Jenny didn't know Jesus and came sporadically to the Bible study, but Carolyn was impressed by her good questions about Christianity and her eagerness to get answers. Carolyn also found that she really enjoyed Jenny's personality, and she began to hang out with her.
When Jenny wanted to sing and dance down the hallway on the way to dinner, Carolyn did it too! When Jenny wanted to go to aerobics at 6:00 a.m., Carolyn went with her. They visited each other's homes on weekends, and Jenny accompanied Carolyn not only to Bible study, but also to large group meetings and conferences. Carolyn shared her time with Jenny -- and her life too. Sometime during that fall, Jenny decided she wanted to follow Jesus and became a committed member of Carolyn's Bible study.
Now Jenny is herself a junior leading a Bible study in a residence hall at UCLA. She is investing her life in relationships with new students. She continues to grow closer to Jesus and to bring others with her.
There is more to leading a chapter or a small-group Bible study than planning for a weekly time slot. In fact, the brief meetings we plan could better be thought of as a rallying point for all that goes on during the week! In committing ourselves to be leaders, we have pledged to invest our time and our very lives in a group of people. Our goal is to influence them intentionally toward a closer relationship with Jesus and a life of following him.
 

CLOSE RELATIONSHIP
First, Paul relates closely to Timothy. He thanks God for him (1:3). Paul remembers Timothy in his prayers night and day (1:3). He longs to see him so he may be filled with joy (1:5). He knows Timothy's family and his spiritual history well. It's obvious that Paul loves Timothy because he wants so much for him.
We dare not think of our small-group members and others in the fellowship as projects to work on nor our influencing them as a program to put them through. God's mode of operation throughout history has been to influence people through close relationships, not through treating them as ministry projects.
Relationships like these will cost time and emotional energy. Several years ago, I inadvertantly hurt the feelings of a student I was discipling. She wrote me a card, expressing her hurt and anger. I first read her card to myself while sitting in a meeting with other staff workers. A colleague told me later how he watched my face fall and saw how distracted I became. I could not rest until I had reconciled with my friend. Her feelings mattered to me -- because she mattered to me. It was the kind of relationship through which God could (and did) work.

CHALLENGE TOWARD GROWTH
A second key to Paul's influence is that he challenges Timothy. Paul directs several hits on Timothy's weak spots in 2 Timothy 1-2. Paul challenges him to rekindle the gift God has given him (1:6). He calls him not to be ashamed of Paul and not to shrink from suffering for the gospel (1:8). Paul exhorts Timothy to keep the pattern of sound teaching he's heard from Paul: to guard the gospel entrusted to him (1:13-14). He challenges Timothy to be strong in Christ's grace, passing on the teaching he's learned to people who will "teach others also" (2:1-2). Paul reminds him to endure hardship (2:3), to reflect on these challenges (2:7) and to remember Jesus' example in all of it (2:8).
Some Christians are reluctant to challenge others toward growth and obedience. This nursery rhyme, rather than the words of Scripture, seems to be their guide:

Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep
And doesn't know where to find them.
Leave them alone, and they'll come home,
Wagging their tails behind them.

Yeah, right. We all know that sheep are too dumb to make sensible decisions on their own. And we're a lot like sheep, wandering off and getting into all kinds of trouble. Like sheep, we need shepherds, too. But when it comes to going after a "sheep" who's wandering away, scaling a cliff to retrieve one, carrying one back firmly and decisively, or actually using that hooked staff, we shy away.
Some of the harshest words I've read in the Bible are God's words to the false "shepherds of Israel" in Ezekiel 34. They are not doing what it takes to care for God's flock; they are only thinking of themselves, and the sheep are being scattered and eaten by wild animals.
When Stan confronted me that night at camp, he was being a good shepherd. His challenging me was hard for him, but it changed my life. Where would I be now if he hadn't taken the risk? We all have an amazing effect on people around us, whether we're planning to or not -- sometimes for good, other times, not. But those who are in the relationships I'm describing aren't willing to leave it at that. Influencing others toward growth is intentional. When we're truly seeking to invest in someone, we must be thinking about how to love them, serve them, encourage them and help them grow. I'm not advocating a rigid, inflexible, six-week, fill-in-the-blanks-and-voila!-you're-discipled plan. I'm advocating thoughtful and prayerful planning for another's growth. To be intentional is to be a good steward of the relationships God has given us.

A GOOD EXAMPLE
Finally, Paul sets an example for Timothy. Paul understands the suffering he calls Timothy to because he has endured it himself. He writes to Timothy from a Roman prison as he faces death at the hand of Caesar. He knows how it feels to be rejected (1:15). He shares his honest trust that God will help him guard the gospel (1:12). Paul has not shrunk from living out the very life calling he wants Timothy to adopt.
The life and ministry of Jesus also shows how this works. All the healings his disciples witnessed, all the sermons they listened to and all the tender conversations they overheard taught them by example how to love others. They watched while Jesus showed them how to do it -- and next thing they knew, he was asking them to do it too! How many lessons came from incidents on their way somewhere or in conversations late at night or early in the morning? Because the disciples were always with Jesus, he could model everything for them. And because the disciples got to see what it looked like, they knew what to do.
The wonderful relationship between Jenny and Carolyn described earlier shows the power of modeling. Carolyn was simply herself, and brought Jenny along. Jenny had the chance to see a devoted Christian live out her faith daily and in a variety of circumstances, complete with all the ups and downs.
When Carolyn spent time writing Jenny notes, when Carolyn jumped in to clean up the mess of a drunk and vomiting hallmate, and when Jenny and Carolyn spent the evening vacuuming the rooms of their neighbors "just because," Carolyn showed Jenny that being a Christian is serving, loving and extending yourself for people.
I'm sure Carolyn was even a bad example at times, but Jesus used that, too, to show Jenny the nitty-gritties of following Jesus -- repenting, making choices and being changed by him. Speaking about Carolyn, Jenny says, "Her life was the gospel." When she had her own chance to clean up the mess of a drunk and vomiting hallmate last spring, she thought of Carolyn's example and immediately reached for a sponge.
 

SIDEBAR:
Questions for
Further
Discussion &
Reflection

[This article was excerpted and adapted from the Small Group Leaders' Handbook. Reprinted by permission of InterVarsity Press^®. © 1995 by InterVarsity Press, P.O. Box 1400, Downers Grove, IL 60515.]

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for educational purposes provided this permission notice, and the copyright notice below are preserved on all copies.
Not to be reprinted in any other publication without permission.
© 1995 InterVarsity Christian Fellowship/USA. All rights reserved.

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