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Most leaders are strong in one or two of the three elements of influence I've described in the main article and weak in the others. Some are strong in relating and modeling, but weak on challenging. Others are strong in modeling and challenging, but weak in relating, and so forth. We need the challenge and support of our co-leaders, staff workers and peers to take risks in our weak areas.

How does this work? Here's an example: Rhonda, a small-group leader at UNLV, was facing a problem. She had been spending time with Mandy, a new student and member of her small group. They had become good friends, and Rhonda was excited to see Mandy growing in her faith. Then Mandy told Rhonda she was starting to date a non-believer. Rhonda herself had been down that road before, and she knew she should talk to Mandy about it. But Rhonda was afraid to confront her.

Determined to be a faithful shepherd, Rhonda asked for prayer and accountability from the other small-group leaders. Several of us met to pray for their conversation while they were meeting to talk. Rhonda reported back that their time went well. Mandy was actually glad that Rhonda brought up the relationship, because she wanted to do the right thing. Rhonda knew she needed help to be a good influencer -- and she got it!

No leader can have close relationships with every person in his or her group. Your role as a leader is to make sure that people are developing relationships with others who can help them grow -- not to do it all yourself! Turn to co-leaders, older members of the group or staff. Encourage small-group members to spend intentional time with each other outside the normal weekly meeting. They can pray for each other, read books together, listen to each other or just have fun. The one-on-ones you set up each week can turn into powerful tools of God for mutual growth and encouragement.