Don’t get the wrong idea. My intentions with my parents were good. I really wanted them to understand how much God loved them and I wanted them to accept Christ. I just went about it the wrong way.

Many students struggle with this. A friend recently told me how he had gone home from college one time over break and told his brother that he would go to hell if he didn’t accept Christ immediately. That was 20 years ago, and his brother still won’t talk about spiritual things with him. These are examples show us what not to do.

Our decision to accept Christ means a great deal to us and we desperately want those closest to us to understand. But how do we share our thoughts and feelings effectively?

First, we can follow Peter’s advice. In 1 Peter 3:15–16 he says, “Honor Christ and let him be the Lord of your life. Always be ready to give an answer when someone asks you about your hope. Give a kind and respectful answer and keep your conscience clear. This way you will make people ashamed for saying bad things about your good conduct as a follower of Christ.” It’s especially hard to be kind and respectful to our family. But this is what Peter urges us to do. Instead of acting like we know it all, we need to be respectful. This verse also tells us to be ready to explain our hope because people are going to ask us about it! I don’t know about you, but my family sees me at my worst, often more hopeless than hopeful. We need to ask God to help us act in a way that pleases him and will make our parents wonder what’s up.

Second, our actions must match our words. This was very hard for me to do at home. Parents see it all. I’d say, “God’s changed me,” but act like my usual bratty self, yelling, not helping around the house, or arguing with my brothers—just to name a few things!

Someone has said that the best way for your parents to see a change in you is to do the dishes—without being asked! What is something that your parents have to harp at you to do or not do? Do they constantly have to remind you to take out the garbage or to call them if you are going to be home late? Then start doing these things, and they will ask themselves what has brought about the positive change.

The Bible’s clear command is to honor our parents. Jesus is a good example here. When Jesus was twelve, he went off to the synagogue to talk theology with the teachers of the law. His parents had no idea where he’d gone, and when they found him they asked him what he was doing and why he was there. He responded by telling them boldly and clearly that he was in his Father’s house, where else? But instead of cynically protesting and telling them just who they were dealing with (“Duh, Mom and Dad, I’m the Messiah, the one you are waiting for!”), he went home with them. He didn’t talk back. He just obeyed (Luke 2:41–52). And who of all people had more of a reason to talk back? Jesus honored his parents here, even though they didn’t understand who he was. We need to do the same with our parents.

Third, sharing about our faith with our family takes time. We would all love for our parents, siblings or grandparents to understand us and agree with us right away. If that happens, great! More often, however, we need to be patient and not expect instant change. It’s been 14 years since I was a junior in high school, and my parents still don’t agree with me about my faith. But we have come a long way. I can articulate my faith a lot better than I could back then. We still disagree, but now we can discuss our thoughts and ideas much more openly without arguing. My parents see that my faith is not just a phase (if it is, it’s a long one!), and they respect how I live. Sometimes when I’m not praying or reading my Bible my mom will even tell me that I should be and ask me what’s going on. In the heat of a discussion, remember that you are likely to have decades to relate to your family. Don’t do anything that will destroy your chances to talk about God over the long haul.

One way that we allow God to grow our patience and our faithfulness is in praying for our families. Often, it seems that nothing is happening. But we need to remember that even if we don’t see it, God is working. Something that really helps me when praying for my family is to get others involved. We need others to help us pray big prayers when it comes to family. They aren’t emotionally attached to my family like I am or as close to the situation. I ask others to pray for God to show them he’s real, for opportunities to share Christ with them, and for other Christians to come into their lives. My parents are more likely to listen to their peers than to me or my brothers—we whose diapers they changed!

One final thing that we need to do as we share our faith with friends and family is to be real. We can be real without being a royal pain. 1 Thessalonians 2:8 says, “We were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of Christ, but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us” (NIV). Paul shared everything with the church at Thessalonica. This meant the good and the bad.

We may feel like we need to be perfect and not show our flaws, but this is not true. As we share our struggles, others will see our weaknesses, but God’s strength will show through them. When I asked a friend what I did that helped him become a Christian he said, “ I saw that you were weak and had struggles, but I also saw a power in your life. I wanted that for myself, too.” Not exactly an ego boost, but I got the point!

Whether you’re about to tell your parents about your faith for the first time, or just wanting to re-open the lines of communication, think through some possible ways that they might respond.

Denial

When Jane told her parents that she’d become a Christian they said, “Oh honey, you’re just going through a phase.” She tried and tried to explain that she had made a major decision—the biggest one in her life, actually. Her parents just kept saying that she didn’t really know what she was doing. They were in denial. When people are blocking out the truth, it does no good to keep repeating yourself over and over. Here again, over time they’ll see the reality of your commitment.

Hostility

Or consider what happened to an InterVarsity staff worker from Canada, when she told her parents about her new faith. Her brother had become a Christian the year before. From his experience, she knew she needed to pray and be sensitive in talking to her parents. She said, “I was zealous, but sincere.” Her parents became defensive right away, and whenever God came up they’d get angry. “Everything counted as they watched me. I couldn’t make mistakes,” she said.

Her advice is to always honor your parents. For example, when sharing her testimony she has never claimed publically that her parents weren’t Christians. Over the years things have gotten less hostile. About ten years ago she felt like God was telling her to talk with her parents as if they were Christians. When they shared a struggle, she said she’d pray for them. Then when her dad was in the hospital with an injured neck he asked her to touch his neck and pray for him! Whatever the problem had been, it went away. When she expressed her doubts about the healing, he said, “I don’t think you’re giving your prayers enough credit!” By honoring her parents she built bridges instead of walls.

Sometimes it’s helpful to remember that no matter how hostile our family may seem, our brothers and sisters in Christ around the world often have it much worse. Vaishali accepted Christ when she was in the USA studying. When she returned to New Delhi, India, she told her parents about her new faith. Her mom started crying and her dad said, “You are no longer our daughter,” and asked her to leave. Many people who convert from Islam also face their family’s rejection, and sometimes abuse or even death.

Acceptance

On the other hand, some family members respond positively and even accept Christ. Michelle Graham, InterVarsity staff at Northern Illinois University, was raised going to church. It wasn’t until she was 13 that she understood that Christianity was about a relationship with Christ. A couple of years later, she was talking to her sister Gretchen about Jesus while they were getting ready for bed. According to Michelle, Gretchen was moved to tears and so she asked if Gretchen wanted to pray and receive Christ. Gretchen said yes so they prayed together right there in the bathroom. “I did all the right things in evangelism before I knew to be intimidated,” laughs Michelle. During Michelle’s freshman year in college, her parents changed churches and started to grow a lot in their faith. Along with Gretchen, they were baptized. She had been praying for her whole family to grow closer to Christ for about four years.

After my grandma had a heart attack a year ago, my dad and I flew to Florida to visit her in the hospital. Dad stopped for gas near the hospital and I waited in the car, thinking about grandma. When she was young, before my great-grandma adopted her, she had spent time in an orphanage.

My great-grandma was very religious and took my grandma to church with her regularly. As she got older, my grandma rebelled against her strict upbringing. As I was sitting in the car thinking about this, God spoke to me—not audibly but in my head—and said, “I love your grandma so much. Just tell her that no matter what choices she’s made in life, I love her. You can bring her back to me.” This was overwhelming to me as I realized anew how deep God’s love is—for my grandma and for each of us.

When we got to the hospital I simply said to her that a strange but neat thing had happened to me at the gas station. I told her that God wanted me to remind her how much he loved her. I emphasized that I was not sharing this with her because I thought she was going to die soon. I said that she didn’t need to feel guilty for anything she’d done or not done in life. Instead she needed to believe in Jesus and his death on the cross, and come to him for forgiveness.

My grandma looked at me and said, “I believe all this deep in my heart even if I haven’t always lived it, and I know I’ll be with Jesus someday.” I never knew how much the Lord was working in my grandma’s life. She’s known the truth all along, but God allowed me to remind her about what she already knew at a time when she was finally ready to hear it.

After this happened my own faith in Christ was renewed, especially knowing that family and friends back home were praying for me and my grandma.

Even though I started off on a bad note with my family back in high school, they’ve been gracious. They will now discuss spiritual matters without holding my former argumentative spirit against me. Thankfully, parents and other family members are often like that!