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Wesley's judgment of gossip, though severe, simply echoes the biblical one. The Apostle Paul feared the power of gossip to destroy the Church (2 Corinthians 12:20), and he didn't hesitate to list gossips right alongside God-haters, murderers, and others who deserved death for their wickedness (Romans 1:29-32).

Yet even though the Bible's condemnation of the habit is plain, gossip tends to be a perennial sin in Christian small groups. Why is this so? The problem seems to crop up, of course, whenever folks get together for any reason. But the close relationships, intimate atmosphere, and abundant conversation of small groups provide an especially fertile ground for discussion of those who aren't present. Add to that setting the typical excuse of "Christian concern," and you have the potential to kill the atmosphere of trust in a group and hurt someone deeply.

So how do you handle the problem? Perhaps a good place to start is with a group Bible study on gossip. This tackles the problem head-on without singling out any one offender. Have your group consider together such passages as Proverbs 11:13; 16:28; 18:8; 20:19-20,22; 2 Corinthians 12:20; and Romans 1:29.

In your study, talk about the precise nature of gossip: What exactly is it? Obviously, gossip involves talking about someone not present at the time. But what characteristics distinguish it from healthy conversation about someone else? Be sure to discuss such determining factors as content (Are the remarks positive or negative?); motivation (Is the intent to help or to criticize?); and audience (Is it someone who can help or who needs the information to make a responsible decision?). The goal of your discussion should be to arrive at a definition which the group can approve by consensus.

GROUND RULES
Once you've all agreed on a definition, it's time to establish a ground rule for the group-also by consensus if possible. Members are more likely to honor limits they have participated in setting as a group.

Wesley established two such rules about gossip for the early Methodist small-group class meetings: "1) Now we are to talk of no absent person, but simply of God and our own souls, and 2) the rule of our conversation here is to be the rule of all our conversation." Note how this Christian leader wisely insisted that the guideline should hold twenty-four hours a day-not just in small-group meetings!

Remember to include "prayer requests" in your rule about gossip. Whenever your intercession involves someone not present, the request should be made carefully. Sometimes it's better not to identify a person, but to say instead, for example, "I have a friend who's struggling with ---. I'd like us to pray for that person."

BE RESPONSIBLE
After the rule is established, stick to it. Make sure everyone knows that the whole group is responsible for putting the lid on gossip-not just the leader.

When you hear gossip going on, you can take one of two approaches. First try to change the direction of the conversation with a leading question on another topic. Jumping in (even interrupting if necessary) with such a question directed toward the gossiper solves the problem tactfully.

If a more direct approach is needed, however, appeal to the group rule rather than quoting Scripture or moralizing. You might even try a "code word" or phrase as part of your group's policy, which is to be used without further comment whenever someone senses that the conversation is steering toward gossip. Calling out a word such as "Morsel!" (From Proverbs 18:8) or remarking dryly, "Time to breathe through our noses" (from the quote below) will call attention to the problem in a humorous way.

Finally, keep in mind this sound prescription for the gossip syndrome, vividly presented by an eighteenth-century pastor. You may even want to post it in the room where your group meets:

"A sure cure for gossip and slander is to breathe through your nose-keep your mouth shut. Be good enough to the air, good enough to people, to let all wickedness and malice remain inside of you. There, germs of love, bacilli of brotherliness, will eat them up-and you will be strong and beautiful and beloved."