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Who is responsible for making the first move when relationships grow tense? According to Scripture, it’s whoever realizes there is a problem:

• Someone who is offended (Matthew 18:15–17).
   
• Someone who realizes he or she has offended someone else (Matthew 5:23–24).
   
• Someone spiritual who sees another believer caught in sin (Galatians 6:1).
   
• Someone with power who realizes that a person without power needs an advocate.

When do you bring another person into a controversy?

• When you recognize that your own attitude is wrong, and you need perspective. Or when you are seeking wisdom to clarify the issues (Proverbs 12:15). You must choose a counselor carefully in these circumstances to keep confidentiality and avoid gossip.
   
• When two of you have tried and failed to resolve a dispute privately (Matthew 18:15–17). In this case, try to find a mediator or witness who is acceptable to both of you.
   
• When one party is intimidated or overpowered (Philemon). This can be a situation where one person in a dispute has all the power, or it could be a situation in which cultural training or a dysfunctional family background has prevented someone from learning to confront in a godly manner—gently, wisely and firmly. In the latter case, the person may need modeling, as well as advice and encouragement, to learn how to handle confrontation.

—Rebecca Cerling Powers