“Are you going to the fall retreat?” Heather asked Natria after the chapter meeting.

“I don’t really know,” Natria responded dejectedly. “I’m afraid to ask my parents for the money, and I know they don’t want me to take a whole weekend off. They thought I spent far too much time with InterVarsity activities last year.”

“Yeah,” Heather sympathized. “My parents don’t understand why I’m so involved, either. I wonder if going to the retreat is worth the hassle of talking to my parents about it.”

Sound familiar? One of the challenges of following Jesus during your college years is explaining to your family what you’re doing and why. In the minds of unbelieving parents, your new spiritual fervor may range from questionable to offensive. In one chapter, two different students had parents who threw them out of the house because of their new commitment to Christ. Though extreme, this reflects a common tension between Christian students and non-Christian parents.

If you’re stuck in this conflict, what can you do to maintain your relationship with your parents and at the same time pursue all that God has for you during your college years and beyond?

Patti O’Kane, a recently-graduated student leader at William Paterson University (NJ), understands the strain that can develop with parents when students become actively involved in a campus fellowship. “When I told my parents that I wanted to spend a summer in Russia with a Global Project, they were flabbergasted,” Patti relates. “They told me I was throwing away my college career and was crazy to even think about it. But I knew it was what God wanted me to do.” In the months before and after the trip, Patti was amazed by the many opportunities for her family to see how God was working and providing for her throughout the process. She concludes, “The mission trip changed me and it changed my family.”

Now Patti encourages others to take some risks in approaching their parents if they are sure God wants them to go to a conference, retreat or missions project. “Talk with them and hear their input. If they don’t say no, go ahead,” she urges. Patti also points out that chapter prayer support and financial help are often available for those feeling isolated from parental support.

Sometimes, though, students find that their parents are clearly opposed to their spiritual choices. “Though we are to honor our parents, we are to serve God first,” Patty declares. She sees in the Scriptures that even Jesus’ family misunderstood his calling and purpose. “It’s a comfort to know that Jesus identifies with this problem,” Patti says. “He loved his family but chose to be obedient to his heavenly Father’s plan for him. We must do the same.”

Good communication is essential to a maturing relationship with parents. You may think God wants you to go to an event, but he might speak through your parents as well. “Don’t wait until the last minute to tell your parents that you’re going to a major conference or event,” cautions Rich Henderson I-V Missions Team Leader and former Area Director. “Discuss it with them in advance, and bring them into your decision-making process,” Rich suggests. “Describe what you’re doing with words they can understand. Talk about developing your leadership skills, time management abilities or character development. Parents want their kids to learn these things.”

For parents suspicious that any campus religious organization may be a cult, reassure them of InterVarsity’s commitment to the basic tenets of historical Christian faith and the non-denominational nature of your campus fellowship. Talk with your IVCF staff person about how to describe your involvement with InterVarsity to your parents. Give your parents a copy of InterVarsity’s brochure, “Could Your Faith Survive College?” They’ll get a bigger picture of InterVarsity than just the group you’re in.

Most of all, continue to honor your parents as God commands. You may have some difficult choices to make, but God has blessings in store for those who obey.

Have you faced these issues? Give us your story or tips for how to relate to parents at our Talk to Us page.