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Rev. Alex Gee
I was sitting next to my friend, Todd, in our third grade art class. We had just studied water colors the previous week, and now Mrs. Gilbert, the teacher, was announcing that we would be working with clay today. Clay? Well, okay, that looks just like brown Playdoh to me, I thought to myself. Not being much of an artist, I did the only thing I knew to do: I simply put one hand on top of the other and began to roll the lump of clay beneath my palms. When asked what I was making, I chuckled and commented that I wasn't sure. It would either be a little snake or a huge cigar. After I rolled a while, I looked over at my friend Todd to offer him a puff of my clay cigar. I was stunned to see that Todd had sculpted an animal, something that looked as nice as a figurine I'd see on my grandmother's bureau. I said to him, "Wow, that's real cool. How did you make that little puppy?" "Oh, it's easy," he said. "I slam the clay up and down on the table, looking at the lump each time in order to see if anything appears. When something appears to me out of the lump, I peel away the clay I don't need and out jumps what I'm making. It's simple!" And although I never saw anything in my lump of clay except snakes and cigars, my conversation with Todd that day helps me to better understand what the Father is saying to us: we're created and called with great contemplation and care.
You're a leader on your campus. And along with that privilege come both responsibility and anxiety. You may not feel up to the task. Well, you're not alone. Many student leaders struggle with confidence in their calling. So did some of the people in the Bible. Jeremiah is one example of a young leader who struggled with his call:
Now the word of the Lord came to me saying, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations."
Then I said, "Ah, Lord God! Truly I don't know how to speak, for I am only a boy" (Jeremiah 1:4-6).
Jeremiah wondered how the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob could make such an obvious mistake of calling someone who was so clearly unqualified. Jeremiah did what so many of us do when we sense God's calling upon our lives. He made excuses, highlighting his youth and his lack of experience, confidence and training. Jeremiah knew his own character flaws and personal fears. How could God want to use someone like me? Doesn't he know how messed up I am? Like Jeremiah, we have trouble fathoming the depths of his mercy for us. Throughout history, God has worked with ordinary people, his redeemed children who struggle with their faith, their understanding of scripture, their self esteem and their secret sins.
In this passage, Jeremiah was attempting to convince God that he was too young and inexperienced to fulfill his call to lead out. How did God respond?
But the Lord said to me, "Do not say 'I am only a boy'; for you shall go to all to whom I send you, and you shall speak whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you" (verses 7-8).
God told Jeremiah that he wasn't moved by his lack of experience. In verse 5, God had told Jeremiah that he knew all about him--good and bad. The Hebrew word for "knew" in Jeremiah 1:5 is yada. Yada means to perceive, to understand, and to know by reflection and revelation. God understood Jeremiah inside out; he knew him--strengths and weaknesses. And, with all this in mind, God still had a purpose for Jeremiah.
Also in verse 1:5, the word for "formed" is yatsar. Yatsar means to form, create or mold--it's actually a technical potter's term and was used in Genesis when God created Adam from the clay.
Our heavenly Father is our ultimate Potter. God is not surprised by our weaknesses, shocked by our questions or stunned by our struggles. God, the master Potter, saw Jeremiah before he ever formed him, just as Todd, the junior potter in my art class, saw an animal before it emerged from the clay.
Yada also means to discern or to become aware of the circumstances that affect something. God already understands how we and our environment are to interface. God knew Jeremiah's age and experience. The Potter was quite familiar with Jeremiah's zeal, flaws and temperament. He was fully aware of the pathetic spiritual state of Israel and its shaky political climate. His discernment was so keen that he was able to weave together the threads of social turmoil and spiritual chaos, political unrest and the inexperience of a young leader into a fabric that would ultimately bring God glory.
The gist of this passage is that there are no accidents in God's plan. He knows exactly what he is doing when he calls us to a task. In more modern terms, God is saying, "Look, Jerry! Before you were even in your mother's womb--before your father was old enough to carry life in his loins, even before the beginning of time, I had great thoughts of you, your life and our ministry together. I didn't need your ministry in the garden--I had Adam. I didn't need you to lead my children out of Egypt--I assigned that task to Moses. I didn't need you to succeed King Saul on the throne--I raised David for that purpose. However, I have strategically placed you in this moment, and timed this moment for you. I have waited for an eternity to fellowship with you and to commission you--and you tell me 'no' because you don't feel qualified?! Don't you get it!? The only reason you are all that you are is because I'm calling you to be a part of my plan." God wants us to get a new perspective on how much he loves us and wants to partner with us in his work.
Children, not slaves
We're called to be children of God, not slaves to perfection. Like the young Jeremiah, Robert was a young man who struggled with understanding his value to God. Robert was an amazing athlete, one of the few African-American wrestlers at the university. Collegiate athletics was a lifelong dream that brought him much pleasure and pride, but it was something else for Robert, too: an escape from poverty and his declining Michigan home town. Robert was determined never to experience poverty or shame again. He vowed never to see the inside of another homeless shelter, taste the food of another soup kitchen or sleep on the cold, musty basement floor of a neighbor's home. Robert and his siblings were raised only by his mother. As the oldest boy, Robert delivered newspapers, cut grass and performed any odd jobs that could help his family financially. The pressure of being semi-responsible for the household budget along with always being carted off to church every Tuesday, Friday and Sunday (mornings and evenings), caused emotional burnout, anger and a dislike and distrust for God.
As Robert experienced the social independence of college life for the first time, he avoided church. How could he give his adult life to God when his childhood was stolen by his mother, who was in turn, according to Robert, stolen by the church? Then, much to Robert's surprise, many of his jock friends started to become interested in God. Eventually, Robert became a Christian as he was touched by the new faith of his girlfriend. Robert grew spiritually, graduated, married his girlfriend and accepted a job offer with a local marketing agency.
Although things looked good from the outside (marriage, kids, cars, house, travel and more), Robert felt that he was drifting from the Lord. What could he do about it? As an overachiever, Robert wrestled with the concepts of grace, faith and unconditional love. If anything good were to happen in his life, he was sure it would be because of his own initiative. He often worked sixty or more hours a week to provide for his family. He tried to apply the same practices to his Christian walk. Why pray if you already know the right thing to do? Why go to church and sing when you can study the problem and generate a strategic plan? Robert failed to understand that God was not calling him to a life of flawlessness, but rather to a life of intimacy and fellowship. Robert ran from intimacy and didn't have time for fellowship. |
Poem:
Rocky,
Thorn-Filled
Soil
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Robert was now attempting to live as a Christian without having to become intimate with his Lord. He had mistakenly categorized God with the cable company or the banker--give them what you owe, and they'll be satisfied. God didn't want to collect Robert's dues. He wanted to collect his hurts and fears. But Robert had no concept of a carefree childhood with a loving father, and so he had no concept of a carefree spiritual childhood with a loving heavenly Father either.
Jeremiah and Robert are similar: both feared that they were being asked to give up their youth for the sake of God's higher calling. It's hard for leaders to make that kind of sacrifice for a cause when they feel so unmatched for the task. The tendency is to run from the call, or worse, to try to respond through human effort and intellect. But God has not called us because we are qualified. Neither has God called us because we're hard workers. God calls us to intimate fellowship with him first, and then to service, because this is the reason for our existence.
Robert is beginning to learn that God alone is perfect. He no longer has the need to impress God. God is not giving Robert the unreasonable responsibilities he had as a child. Rather he is calling him to be his child. My prayer for Robert is that he would understand deeply that God burdened his own Son, Jesus, with the responsibility of paying the penalty for sin and disobedience. It's not up to Robert.
God is not oblivious to our humanity and sinful nature. God's love for us is not based upon our ability to do good deeds. God loves us because we have been created by him and for him. This is unconditional love, the kind of love that Robert is desperately in search of.
Partners with God
God offers us a life that fulfills his broad purposes, and he wants us to enjoy being a part of his plan. I've known Troy since the fourth grade. He is one of the first friends that I ever led to the Lord. He has so much going for him. People just love to be around him. A licensed social worker, he is a man who is on fire for the Lord. He is an extremely intelligent, athletic, conscientious and attractive person with a hilarious sense of humor. Everyone who knows Troy is aware of these attributes--except for Troy.
Troy's home life was traumatic. His father was physically and verbally abusive to the entire family. Troy's mother was often slapped around while Troy and his sister were called names, intimidated and beaten. Troy cherished the approval of his father and would hang on to his every word. He could float for days on one compliment, or sink for weeks after a criticism or beating.
Eventually, Troy's parents divorced. It was very hard for Troy not to see his father on a regular basis. He blamed himself somewhat for the actions of his father. And although Troy's family was able to escape future violence, it was hard for him to forget the painful past.
Today, Troy has difficulty being open with and getting close to others because he feels that he doesn't deserve to be loved. He also fears abandonment. He finds it hard to focus on what's important to him and pursue it--he's too busy trying to make everyone around him happy and satisfied. Troy has leadership potential, but never achieves it because he ultimately feels cursed and defeated. He wonders if God actually loves him, and sometimes it's hard for him to believe that God even cares. My prayer for Troy is that he would begin to see himself the way that our heavenly Father sees him. He is not a failure just because others are unable to recognize his worth. God longs to see him develop his true potential and know that he was created with and for a specific and divine purpose.
Wonderfully wanted
God would never turn his back on his children. The good news to Troy and the rest of us is that the Father has also discerned our life situation before ever creating us, just as he told Jeremiah, "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you." The fact that we are alive is evidence that God has carefully, lovingly and patiently meditated upon us and our plight before creating us. So the big question is not whether God still loves us when we feel unlovable, or whether God can use us when we feel unqualified. Rather, the question is whether we will believe these truths and give our sins, our inexperience, our fears and our struggles over to the master Potter.
The hurts can help
God calls us to ministry that is shaped and fueled by our real-life experiences. My friend Beth is a good example. Beth and I get along well. Her whacky and warped sense of humor is one I relate to easily. I met Beth several years ago when she and her family moved into town and decided to attend our church. Beth and her husband Lou became very involved in ministry to pre-teens in our church. Things were running along smoothly for their family and ministry for several years, and then I noticed some changes. Beth slowly became irritable and soon had withdrawn from her ministry. Lou seemed down most of the time. Their zest for life and energy for kids seemed to have been extinguished. And although I knew that both Beth and Lou were children of alcoholics, I wasn't quite sure how that would play out in their ministry and marriage. I was about to find out.
I asked to get together with them. Beth told me that she suffered from severe depression resulting from incest involving her uncle who had lived with her family for six years. She had held all of this inside because her uncle had begged her not to tell anyone. He said it would send him to jail and destroy the family. At that moment, eight-year-old Beth was denied her childhood and forced in adulthood--not just because of sexual exposure but because she shouldered the responsibility of keeping her family intact. Somehow Beth deduced that her sole purpose in life was to rescue the downtrodden and to keep others out of trouble. If she would just keep her mouth shut, swallow her pride and ignore the pain, everything would eventually be all right. She was wrong.
As a result, Beth shut her mouth and her eyes to the fact that Lou was a freeloader who took advantage of her kind nature. She swallowed her pride and denied the pain of Lou's abusive behavior. She thought that if she pleased her husband sexually, worked a little harder, put in more overtime at work, kept a cleaner house and didn't pressure Lou to find a job, things would get better. They didn't. Beth was originally attracted to Lou because he was in need of a rescuer. She played the role of a safety net.
Beth's relationship with the Lord also hinged upon her being good, resourceful and dependable. Beth had held almost every leadership position imaginable, but she didn't have a clue as to what unconditional love is, how it works or how it feels. Therefore, her idea of ministry was reduced to administrative tasks and random acts of kindness that would make her feel useful and acceptable to the Father. She never talked to the Lord about her own struggles. She was fully convinced that if she memorized more scripture, read more Christian authors, prayed more religiously and lived more piously, she would eventually feel much better and more spiritual. Meanwhile, she piled on more leadership responsibilities and obligations to hide from her own pain and to store up more brownie points with the Father.
Beth needed the wonderful truths of Jeremiah chapter 1. Beth is fearfully and wonderfully made by her heavenly Father. God knew her fully before creating her. She was never abandoned by God. In fact, he was the one who sustained her throughout many dark, stolen nights. Her destiny was not to help hide or compensate for the shortcomings of abusive people, but rather to empower the broken in her community. Her role is not to rescue them in an unhealthy way, but rather to ask them if they want assistance, and then help them to their own feet--not her shoulders. My prayer for Beth is that she would realize God's desire to take all of her hurts as a child and use them to fuel her ministry.
God won't forget you
Robert, Troy and Beth had to realize that their true identity was not based upon their circumstances, but rather upon God's ultimate and original purpose for their lives. They all had to learn that they were not failures just because others have failed to recognize their value. God alone understands, empowers and affirms their potential. Nothing separates them from his love. And nothing separates you from it either. Our heavenly Father wants you to know that you have done absolutely nothing to make him love you, and that you can do nothing to stop him.
Isaiah 49:15 offers this incredible assurance: "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!" Notice that God did not compare himself to a proud father but rather to a nursing mother. When a mother holds her child at her breast, she tunes out the world around her and focuses on her child. Biologically it is almost impossible for a mother to hold her baby, listen to it cry, have her milk supply stimulated and still ignore the child's needs. Likewise, the Father says that he will never forget his children or their needs.
My wife Jackie and my daughter Lexi are a clear example of the inability of a nursing mother to forget her baby. My daughter Lexi was born three months prematurely. She was too small to be fed orally, so Jackie had to pump and store breast milk so that the doctors could feed it to Lexi through a tube. As Jackie began to pump milk she began to have temporary lapses of memory and found it difficult to engage in conversation.
One day a nurse was checking in on us and heard Jackie and I discussing the temporary memory loss. She told us that this was very natural and normal. A hormone is released in mothers when they are pumping or breast feeding that causes them to shut down mentally so they can focus only on their little one.
When Jackie had difficulty with her milk supply she was encouraged to focus on a snapshot of Lexi (who was still in the incubator). The photo stimulated Jackie's brain enough to increase her milk supply almost instantaneously. God's provision is awesome!
God cares for us so greatly. Our praise, our presence, and our needs are all "snapshots" that stimulate the Lord's supply of nourishing spiritual "milk" for our lives. Rather than running away when we stumble, we can turn toward the Father when we're weak, jumping into his loving arms, holding his undivided attention.
Called to confidence
I can still see Todd banging that clay up and down on the table in Mrs. Gilbert's art class. I can still see myself making cigars too. Like Todd seeing a special shape in his lump of clay, God has always had a vision of our existence and purpose. What did God see when he looked into your lump of clay? You can have the confidence in God to find out.
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