Small Groups: Taming the Overtalkative

Help for small groups with an overtalkative member

by Dan Williams

An overtalkative small group member can stifle small-group dynamics. Here's help.

p> It’s a touchy situation. As a small-group leader, the last thing you want is a roomful of people who are afraid to open their mouths. On the other hand, you can’t afford to let just one person continually jump in. So what do you do when one of your small-group members monopolizes the group discussion?

1. l. Make sure you’re not the one who is over-talkative.
2. 2. Reiterate any agreed-upon ground rules like, “Let’s listen to one another,” or “Try to reverse your normal pattern and talk less or more.”
3. 3. Use careful directions such as, “I want two people who have not said anything yet to respond,” or “I want everyone to answer this one.”
4. 4. Sit beside the talkative person, reducing the eye contact that cues contributions.
5. 5. Gently interrupt the person in the middle of a long speech and say, “You have made several excellent points—let’s see if there is any response to what you have said so far.”
6. 6. Stop looking at the person while he or she is talking; usually it will slow the person down, again because eye cues have ceased.
7. 7. Expect a mature group to do the work for you, with members humorously and gently reminding the talkative person that he or she is “doing it again.” When trust has been built, such communication is possible.
8. 8. Ask the person privately to help draw quieter folks out. (This is a favorite suggestion in textbooks, but it is risky because some people will know what you are up to.)
9. 9. Ask the person privately or publicly to talk less.

Some of these suggestions may appear to include impolite behavior. Yet, even interrupting a member is worth it if the health of the group is at stake.

—Dan Williams, in Seven Myths about Small Groups (InterVarsity Press, 1991), quoted in Discipleship Journal, issue 70. Used by permission.