“Imagine walking into a restaurant,” writes Rev. Charles Woodman, a pastor friend of mine in Stillwater, New York, “where the manager was serving food to the cook and waitstaff. Most of the seats are empty, because the waitstaff know each other and like to sit together. They are enjoying a wonderful meal, accompanied by wonderful conversation. ‘A toast!’ shouts one of the staff, ‘To good friends and great times.’

“‘Hear, hear!’ they all say, as they clink glasses and share a sip.

“Meanwhile, you and your family look around at all the empty seats. Do you go ahead and sit down or wait to be seated? You aren’t sure, so you stand there feeling awkward.”

Rev. Woodman is describing a restaurant with a problem. The employees have forgotten who the customers are. They forgot whom they were serving. Sometimes our fellowships fall into this same trap. The challenge is to remember who our customers are. Our customer is the campus. We are there to love and serve the campus, not ourselves. When visitors walk into a Friday night celebration, a small-group meeting, or any chapter event, do they feel like they just walked into the restaurant described above, or do they feel like they walked into the Olive Garden™?

The Olive Garden’s motto is, “When you’re here you’re Family®.” So let’s do some Olive Garden outreach. When visitors come into a chapter event, let’s treat them like we want them to be part of the family. (For some of us this may mean treating them better than we treat our own family, but that is a different article.)

Our chapters can offer something every college student wants, a community and a place to belong. But first, we need to build the relationships within our groups so we love each other like family. One of Jesus’ last commands to his disciples was, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:34–35, NIV). If we don’t love each other like a family, then we have nothing to invite people into. We need to offer a loving community, a warm place to escape from the world and “a safe place to hear a dangerous message.” Notice Jesus does not say, “Love one another so you get a nice warm feeling.” He wants us to love so that others may know we are his disciples. There is a direct connection between community and outreach.

It may sound backward, but the best way to build community is to focus outward, out of ourselves and out of our fellowship. You can achieve this by gathering together, sharing your struggles, and praying for one another. One of the best ways to do this is to go on a short term mission trip over winter or spring break. Habitat for Humanity, for example, has trips already planned for you. You can also look around your fellowship; where you see a need, work hard to meet it.

The early church did this. Acts 2:44–45 records, “All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need” (NIV). When I was a student, one of our peers could not pay his tuition for the coming semester. In response, about ten of us pooled our resources and gave him an interest-free loan so he could stay in school. That is an example of love in action.

The key to “Olive Garden” outreach is relationships! If you walk away from this article with nothing else, remember that reaching out in general and New Student Outreach in particular (for the first four weeks of school) are all about relationships.

A non-Christian international student from England was hanging around the InterVarsity chapter at the University at Buffalo. She was very open about her lack of faith, and was interested in learning more about Christianity. At the same time she was spending time with a cultish student group, whose theology was far from orthodox. I am sad to admit that after the first few weeks of school, this student stopped coming to InterVarsity and I often saw her sitting in the other student group’s office. Why did she make this choice? I think it’s because they did a better job of loving her, making her feel welcome and building a relationship with her.

This idea of Olive Garden outreach is nothing new. John 17 records one of Jesus’ last prayers. The cool thing about it is that Jesus prayed into the future for all believers—for me as I write this article and you as you read it.

In John 17:20–23 Jesus prays, “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one; I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me” (NIV).

One of Jesus’ last prayers is that we would be unified (like a strong family). He longs to see his followers be one, just as he is one with the Father. Now, I don’t have a good grasp of the Trinity, but I do know that the Father and Jesus are one in spirit and purpose. Unfortunately, the body of Christ, universal, is not like this. But we can work to make our chapters one in spirit and purpose. Jesus does not pray that we would be unified for unity’s sake. He prays that we might be a family so that the world may believe that he was sent by God. Therefore, it is safe to conclude that Jesus wants us to reach out in the Olive Garden style. Jesus prayed that our unity would call people into a fuller understanding of who he is. He again is the connection between community and outreach.

In a similar way, the Gospel writer John believes in Olive Garden outreach as well. In John 1:3 he writes, “We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ” (NIV). Why do John and the other eyewitnesses of Jesus proclaim what they saw and heard? Because they want those outside the fellowship to be with them, and to be part of the family.

“When you’re with us,” says John and his community, “you’re Family.”

An InterVarsity upperclassman came up to me at the end of our New Student Outreach. He was frustrated because he felt like he was always nagging the new students to come to the next event. His problem was that he was focusing on the events, not on relationships. Our NSO events are merely tools to help students build relationships. What this upperclassman learned is that it is much more effective to share yourself with a new student than it is to bring them to the next event.

For example, I was teaching about Olive Garden outreach at an evangelism training event. I asked each student to share about who made them feel welcome when they first came to an InterVarsity meeting and how that person did it. Every one of them shared that they felt welcome because someone invited them into a relationship beyond a large-group celebration. They felt like part of the family when an I-V member invited them to meet for lunch, stopped by their dorm room just to say hello, or invited them to hang out.

I want to warn you, however, that building relationships is hard work. It’s messy and it will take time. If you are going to invest in relationships then it’s going to cost you. You have to decide if relationships are worth the price. I say yes!—building relationships is worth the investment. It is through relationships that we see lives transformed. Jesus had an impact on many people during his ministry. Notice that many of the followers recorded as making an impact for the kingdom of God are the ones with a deep, long-term relationship with Jesus. (Of course there are exceptions to this, like Paul or the woman at the well. But notice that even Paul had Barnabas, who spent at least a year with him in Antioch.)

I could suggest a lot of ways to live this out as part of your personal and chapter outreach to the campus, but I’ve given just a few in the side bar (page 24). Let’s make our chapters like the Olive Garden. Let’s continue to build relationships within our groups and build relationships outside our groups too. Imagine what could happen if your fellowship could say “When you’re here you’re Family.”

—Brian Tofflemire, InterVarsity staff for the University at Buffalo, and his wife, Kristy, live in Buffalo, NY. When Brian isn’t on campus and Kristy isn’t teaching, they spend most of their time fixing up their 100-year-old home. Brian also likes woodworking and building furniture.