Pastor Ken's Can't-Miss Recipe for Making Gossip Jerky

The fear of being the subject of gossip often prevents us from telling the truth about our transgressions and failures. Who likes to be the one everyone seems to be talking about over lunch or even after Bible study? “Did you hear that So-and-so is now a lesbian?” “Did you know that Church ABC was going to fire their pastor but they let him resign?” “Are you as shocked as I am to hear that this is Whosit’s third marriage, not his first?”

Gossip is the malicious spreading of negative rumors about a person or the kind of conversations that take a certain perverse pleasure in the little-known misfortunes and messes of others. I’ve engaged in this unfortunate extra-curricular activity and so have you, right? Oh sure, there are times we’ve couched this as sharing a “prayer concern,” but there have been times that our real motive was to gossip and not to pray. Gossip can destroy the communal fabric of any church, in spite of sound teaching and values that are clearly Christ-inspired. It may not even be factual—the gossiper may have his or her facts wrong or, more insidiously, may be trying to undermine a person’s character or authority—and it still can be a spreading cancer in the body of Christ.

Even Christians in the first century churches gossiped about each other. The Apostle Paul warned them that this too was a sin. In 2 Corinthians 12:20 he wrote, “For I am afraid that when I come I may not find you as I want you to be, and you may not find me as you want me to be. I fear that there may be quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, factions, slander, gossip, arrogance and disorder. I am afraid that when I come again my God will humble me before you, and I will be grieved over many who have sinned earlier and have not repented of the impurity, sexual sin and debauchery in which they have indulged.” Gossiping may seem innocuous when we’re whispering our juicy tidbits to someone else, but when we do it, we are sinning against others.

I’m a realist. I truly don’t expect most human beings (even Christian ones) to be able to abstain completely from gossip. However, I do believe that are a ways to make gossip “jerky,” to remove most of the “juiciness” from the tawdry tidbits—as well as to make the gossiper look like a jerk. So let me share with you my sure-fire recipe for making gossip jerky.

1. Start with establishing a solid reputation. You don’t have to be perfect for people to believe you to be a person of great integrity. Once they do, people will simply have a hard time believing that you’re up to no good or that you’re hiding something, even if the gossiper says you are. Plus, a gossiper only looks like a jerk telling unflattering tales about someone like Rev. Billy Graham or Mother Teresa, right?

2. Next, don’t make a habit of keeping too many secrets. I know this ingredient is a hard one to swallow if you’re naturally much more private, but next to personal integrity, this is the most crucial ingredient to making gossip jerky. You see, for gossip to be really tasty, it has to be really, really juicy. And nothing makes gossip juicier than if it’s revealing something unflattering about someone, especially if that person has a reputation of personal integrity. In fact, to make gossip jerky, you absolutely must have these first two ingredients. Just being known as a person of Christian integrity won’t be enough to make gossip jerky. Being humble and honest about one’s private life in appropriate ways is one of the most powerful ways to build a reputation of integrity. And if you have revealed yourself, you really take the juiciness out of the meat of gossip, because it’s now public record and you were the one to share about it.

Years ago, when we used to have a monthly Sunday night worship service, I felt led to share one of my own dark secrets to illustrate my message. I spoke of committing the sin of premarital sex during college, at one point even thinking that I’d gotten my girlfriend pregnant. Afterwards, some concerned colleagues asked whether I was worried now that people would be gossiping about my transgression. To which I sincerely replied, “How juicy do you think this gossip really is since I confessed this publicly in the context of a worship service and people can buy the tape?”

As long as we keep something a secret, we give it not only the power to destroy us (or so we feel) but we also never get around to using our shameful secrets as opportunities to experience and extol the amazing grace of Jesus.

3. Finally, make it a habit of using your past failures or even current struggles as a vessel to transfer God’s grace to those struggling with the same things. Not long ago I preached what I’ve since been told was a powerful message on the impact of pornography on the sexual identity and development of men. In the follow-up session with a good number of our church’s men, I raised my hand, along with the majority of those present, admitting to having looked at online pornography at least once. Since that time, both single and married men have confessed to me their own struggles with pornography via the Internet. I know it took both humility and courage for them to admit this secret struggle to me and they are all sincere in seeking spiritual guidance. It would be so easy for me to pray for them without revealing that I too have struggled at times with this same sin. But in order that they truly experience the grace of Christ without any fear of condemnation from me, I have briefly revealed why in fact I cannot judge them. I am convinced that mutual confession is one of the greatest ways to make gossip jerky because both parties are so appreciative of the humble and honest sharing of the same secret that neither would ever dream of turning this into malicious gossip.

Remember, as long as there are sinful people, there will be opportunities for gossiping. Instead of trying to eliminate this sinful practice, if you use these three ingredients, I can virtually guarantee that you’ll be successful in making gossip jerky. Striving to be a person of solid reputation, being humble enough to share some of your own failings, and reassuring those who are confiding their own failings to you that you definitely are in no position to judge them—these are surefire ways to turn gossip from something juicy into something dry and hard to swallow. So that’s my recipe for gossip jerky. And I’m guessing that an unexpected outcome of these three ingredients is that the gossiper may look like a real jerk!