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The Leader as Sentinel.qxd
Then David's anger was greatly kindled against the
man. He said to Nathan, "As the LORD lives, the
man who has done this deserves to die; he shall
restore the lamb fourfold, because he did this thing,
and because he had no pity". Nathan said to David,
"You are the man!"
David said to Nathan, "I have sinned against the
LORD." Nathan said to David, "Now the LORD has
put away your sin; you shall not die."
2 Samuel 12:5-7a, 13
I m a g e s o f
L E A D E R S H I P
C O P Y R I G H T © 2 0 0 3
L E A D I N G E D G E®
L EADER AS SENTINEL
2
EZEKIEL 33:1-9
The word of the LORD came to me: 2 O Mortal, speak to your peo-
ple and say to them, If I bring the sword upon a land, and the people of the
land take one of their number as their sentinel; 3and if the sentinel sees the
What do you
learn about
sword coming upon the land and blows the trumpet and warns the people;
the role of
4 then if any who hear the sound of the trumpet do not take warning, and
sentinel?
the sword comes and takes them away, their blood shall be upon their own
heads. 5They heard the sound of the trumpet and did not take warning;
their blood shall be upon themselves. But if they had taken warning, they
would have saved their lives. 6 But if the sentinel sees the sword coming and
does not blow the trumpet, so that the people are not warned, and the
sword comes and takes any of them, they are taken away in their iniquity,
but their blood I will require at the sentinel's hand. 7 So you, mortal, I have
made a sentinel for the house of Israel; whenever you hear a word from my
mouth, you shall give them warning from me. 8 If I say to the wicked, "O
wicked ones, you shall surely die," and you do not speak to warn the
wicked to turn from their ways, the wicked shall die in their iniquity, but
their blood I will require at your hand. 9 But if you warn the wicked to turn
from their ways, and they do not turn from their ways, the wicked shall die
in their iniquity, but you will have saved your life.
What does failure look like for a sentinel?
Make a list of people God has used as sentinels in your life.
When have I seen but not warned? What was the cost? To the person? Group?
Myself?
When have I seen, warned, and found repentant hearts? What was the result?
E XHORTATION TODAY
3
HEBREWS 3:12-4:1
What do you
Take care, brothers and sisters, that none of you may have an evil,
notice about
exhortation?
unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. 13 But exhort one
another every day, as long as it is called "today," so that none of you may
be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. 14For we have become partners of
Christ, if only we hold our first confidence firm to the end. 15 As it is said,
"Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion."
16 Now who were they who heard and yet were rebellious? Was it not all
those who left Egypt under the leadership of Moses? 17 But with whom was
he angry forty years? Was it not those who sinned, whose bodies fell in the
wilderness? 18 And to whom did he swear that they would not enter his
rest, if not to those who were disobedient? 19 So we see that they were
unable to enter because of unbelief. 4:1 Therefore, while the promise of
entering his rest is still open, let us take care that none of you should seem
to have failed to reach it.
What is at stake?
How would you get an "evil, unbelieving heart"?
How is sin deceitful?
L EADER AS SENTINEL
4
1 SAMUEL 25
Now Samuel died; and all Israel assembled and mourned for him. They
buried him at his home in Ramah.
Then David got up and went down to the wilderness of Paran. 2 There was
What is the
a man in Maon, whose property was in Carmel. The man was very rich; he had three
issue? How
does David
thousand sheep and a thousand goats. He was shearing his sheep in Carmel. 3 Now
respond?
the name of the man was Nabal, and the name of his wife Abigail. The woman was
clever and beautiful, but the man was surly and mean; he was a Calebite. 4 David
heard in the wilderness that Nabal was shearing his sheep. 5 So David sent ten young
men; and David said to the young men, "Go up to Carmel, and go to Nabal, and
greet him in my name. 6 Thus you shall salute him: `Peace be to you, and peace be
to your house, and peace be to all that you have. 7 I hear that you have shearers;
now your shepherds have been with us, and we did them no harm, and they missed
nothing, all the time they were in Carmel. 8 Ask your young men, and they will tell
you. Therefore let my young men find favor in your sight; for we have come on a
feast day. Please give whatever you have at hand to your servants and to your son
David.'"
9 When David's young men came, they said all this to Nabal in the name
of David; and then they waited. 10 But Nabal answered David's servants, "Who is
David? Who is the son of Jesse? There are many servants today who are breaking
away from their masters. 11 Shall I take my bread and my water and the meat that I
have butchered for my shearers, and give it to men who come from I do not know
where?" 12 So David's young men turned away, and came back and told him all this.
13 David said to his men, "Every man strap on his sword!" And every one of them
strapped on his sword; David also strapped on his sword; and about four hundred
men went up after David, while two hundred remained with the baggage.
14 But one of the young men told Abigail, Nabal's wife, "David sent mes-
sengers out of the wilderness to salute our master; and he shouted insults at them.
15 Yet the men were very good to us, and we suffered no harm, and we never
missed anything when we were in the fields, as long as we were with them; 16 they
were a wall to us both by night and by day, all the while we were with them keep-
ing the sheep. 17 Now therefore know this and consider what you should do; for evil
has been decided against our master and against all his house; he is so ill-natured
that no one can speak to him."
L EADER AS SENTINEL
5
18 Then Abigail hurried and took two hundred loaves, two skins of wine,
five sheep ready dressed, five measures of parched grain, one hundred clusters of
raisins, and two hundred cakes of figs. She loaded them on donkeys 19 and said to
How does
Abigail serve
her young men, "Go on ahead of me; I am coming after you." But she did not tell
as a sentinel to
her husband Nabal. 20 As she rode on the donkey and came down under cover of
David?
the mountain, David and his men came down toward her; and she met them.
21 Now David had said, "Surely it was in vain that I protected all that this fellow has
in the wilderness, so that nothing was missed of all that belonged to him; but he
has returned me evil for good. 22 God do so to David and more also, if by morning
I leave so much as one male of all who belong to him."
23 When Abigail saw David, she hurried and alighted from the donkey, and
fell before David on her face, bowing to the ground. 24 She fell at his feet and said,
"Upon me alone, my lord, be the guilt; please let your servant speak in your ears,
and hear the words of your servant. 25 My lord, do not take seriously this ill-natured
fellow, Nabal; for as his name is, so is he; Nabal is his name, and folly is with him;
but I, your servant, did not see the young men of my lord, whom you sent.
26 "Now then, my lord, as the LORD lives, and as you yourself live, since
the LORD has restrained you from bloodguilt and from taking vengeance with your
own hand, now let your enemies and those who seek to do evil to my lord be like
Nabal. 27 And now let this present that your servant has brought to my lord be given
to the young men who follow my lord. 28 Please forgive the trespass of your servant;
for the LORD will certainly make my lord a sure house, because my lord is fighting
the battles of the LORD; and evil shall not be found in you so long as you live. 29 If
anyone should rise up to pursue you and to seek your life, the life of my lord shall
be bound in the bundle of the living under the care of the LORD your God; but the
lives of your enemies he shall sling out as from the hollow of a sling. 30 When the
LORD has done to my lord according to all the good that he has spoken concerning
you, and has appointed you prince over Israel, 31 my lord shall have no cause of
grief, or pangs of conscience, for having shed blood without cause or for having
saved himself. And when the LORD has dealt well with my lord, then remember your
servant."
32 David said to Abigail, "Blessed be the LORD, the God of Israel, who sent
you to meet me today! 33 Blessed be your good sense, and blessed be you, who
L EADER AS SENTINEL
6
have kept me today from bloodguilt and from avenging myself by my own hand!
34 For as surely as the LORD the God of Israel lives, who has restrained me from hurt-
ing you, unless you had hurried and come to meet me, truly by morning there would
How does
David receive
not have been left to Nabal so much as one male." 35 Then David received from her
the words of
the sentinel
hand what she had brought him; he said to her, "Go up to your house in peace; see,
Abigail?
I have heeded your voice, and I have granted your petition."
36 Abigail came to Nabal; he was holding a feast in his house, like the feast
of a king. Nabal's heart was merry within him, for he was very drunk; so she told him
nothing at all until the morning light. 37 In the morning, when the wine had gone
out of Nabal, his wife told him these things, and his heart died within him; he
became like a stone. 38 About ten days later the LORD struck Nabal, and he died.
39 When David heard that Nabal was dead, he said, "Blessed be the LORD
who has judged the case of Nabal's insult to me, and has kept back his servant from
evil; the LORD has returned the evildoing of Nabal upon his own head." Then David
sent and wooed Abigail, to make her his wife. 40 When David's servants came to
Abigail at Carmel, they said to her, "David has sent us to you to take you to him as
his wife." 41 She rose and bowed down, with her face to the ground, and said,
"Your servant is a slave to wash the feet of the servants of my lord." 42 Abigail got
up hurriedly and rode away on a donkey; her five maids attended her. She went after
the messengers of David and became his wife.
What kind of person is Abigail?
What did Abigail do to change the outcome of this scene?
What are the results of Abigail's faithful choice?
THE SENTINEL IN CONFLICT
7
WHAT DID ABIGAIL DO TO RESOLVE THE CONFLICT?
APPLICATION
·Be ready for conflict. Think ahead; make
Even before the conflict happens, Abigail is
commitments that you won't flee. For your
1 understood to be a person of action, who will
"Leaders don't
sake, for the sake of friendships, for the sake
not freeze up but will act to do the right thing.
of your future marriage, etc.
inflict pain;
Her servant says (v17), "Now therefore know
·Otherwise, while we waffle, we gossip,
they bear
this and consider what you should do"
complain, become fearful and resentful.
pain."
Max DePree
Abigail is willing to intercede on behalf of her
2 husband. She is willing to enter in and make
Don't be casual about relational tension.
peace. She spares no expense, of time or
Matthew 5:25 stresses this as well: "Come
money. She understood the urgency. v18:
to terms quickly with your accuser..."
"Then Abigail hurried...
Abigail sent someone on ahead of her to make
Find an advocate, someone who knows both
3 peace, as an advocate. v19: "Go on ahead of parties to the conflict and who has a stake in
me" though she didn't decide not to come at
a positive outcome.
all.
Often, our justification for our sinful
Abigail puts herself in the one-down position.
response is the original sin in the first place.
4 (Though in this case, she is the one in the right, "S/he started it!" Be willing to look at your
while David is in the wrong.) v24: "Upon me
own contribution to the conflict, even if the
alone, my lord, be the guilt"
other's sin seems more egregious (and it usu-
ally will).
Start not with your own complaint, but with
every way in which you were or could possibly
Abigail addresses the original need, the original
have been in the wrong. Don't begin even
5 complaint. She makes amends. v27: she makes with trying to be understood, which implies
a present. She addresses the injustice.
"You were wrong to think that I was in the
wrong." Agree first; understand, and you may
come to be understood.
Abigail reminds David of the promises associat-
ed with his life and future--she calls him to live
We need to see the results of our actions
up to what God is doing in him. She thinks
clearly -- small choices now can make a huge
6 future- perfect (v31): "when the Lord has dealt difference later, for us, for others, for our fel-
well with my lord, then remember your ser-
lowship or church, for folks who don't know
vant." She speaks of the future as if it were
God.
guaranteed.
V32: Abigail stops speaking and must trust in
We need to have faith that God will come
God: to calm David's anger, to save her life.
through for us. Ultimately, it is not up to our
7 She didn't flee the conflict, but rode right into words, gestures, or schemes. Others' hearts
it.
are in God's hands.
WHAT WERE THE RESULTS OF ABIGAIL ' S FAITHFUL CHOICE?
·David, for his part, is extraordinarily willing to learn from someone less powerful.
David receives advice from Abigail as a gift from God.
·David's reputation and conscience is kept clear from guilt.
·God responds to bring justice to the situation beyond what was in David's power.
Nabal was going to die either way, but in this way it was an act of God's judgment,
not David's anger.
·Through God's judgment of Nabal, David receives the confirmation of God's work
in his life and as an advocate for him.
·Abigail ends up with a more reasonable husband, though it is certainly David who
gets the better deal.
CONFLICT PLANNER
8
CONSIDER CLOSE BUT FRACTIOUS RELATIONSHIPS: ROOMMATES, SIBLINGS, PARENTS, GOOD
FRIENDS, MINISTRY PARTNERS, BOY/GIRLFRIEND, LEADERSHIP/ AUTHORITY, ETC.
With whom:
Conflict you are in or one
that is typical.
Familiar circumstances:
Short-term:
What will be the result if
things are not addressed?
Long-term:
Is there anyone who can act
as advocate? Intermediary,
someone you both trust
What would it take on your
part to address the original
cause of tension?
How can you put yourself in
the one-down position? To
what can you confess with-
out requiring prior initiative
on their part?
What would it cost you to
take the initiative in this
relationship?
What do you need to
receive from God if this is to
end well? For what will you
need to pray?
For you?
What good will come if this
For him/her/them?
conflict is dealt with speedi-
ly, in humility?
For other stakeholders in this relationship?
F AITH AND THE HEART OF UNBELIEF
9
ATTITUDE OF THE
SIN ' S DECEPTION:
FAITH ' S
HEART
WHAT IS PROMISED?
ANTIDOTE
Power over the person - to forgive
To understand how we've been
would be to be subordinate.
forgiven by God. Matt 18:21-35
rights to complain, to be the vic-
To love people who have hurt us
tim, to self-pity.
Bitterness / resentment: harboring
for our own heart's sake. Safety is
a grudge or an unforgiving spirit.
found in forgiving.
The person might do it again:
"protect yourself."
The punishment for others' sin is
built into the system. There is no
To reconcile would be too much
getting away with it.
work.
Impatience: the feeling that we
should be getting on with some-
thing more quickly than we are,
leading to a lack of peace, bouts of
anger, lack of love for others, and
trying to get blessing "our way."
Despondency / despair: believing
that we are at a dead-end with no
way out, a no-win situation. Leads
to burnout, lack of interest in
prayer, Scripture, ministry.
Anxiety: a lack of peace springing
from dwelling on some dark sce-
nario that we think will occur in
the future.
Shame: a belief that we are so
totally identified by our sin that we
have no value, worth.
Romans 8:28-39. In all these things
You can atone for your sin by feel-
we are more than conquerors... I.E.
things that we thought were stum-
Regret: a belief that a mistake
ing very, very bad about it for a
bling blocks prove to be stepping
made in the past virtually rules out
long, long time. Since joy, happi-
stones (with faith). We will experi-
a happy future. A re-evaluation of
ness and hope are no longer possi-
ence joy, hope and love by turning
our life and choices in the face of
bilities for you, you at least have
even the disappointments of our
suffering.
the consolation of not having to try
to hope for them.
lives over to God for healing.
John 21:15-17: the reinstatement
of Peter.
Jealousy or envy: becoming angry
or upset when we see a person get
something we wish we had.
F
10
AITH AND THE HEART OF UNBELIEF
ATTITUDE OF THE
SIN ' S DECEPTION:
FAITH ' S
HEART
WHAT IS PROMISED?
ANTIDOTE
Critical Spirit: exalting oneself by
harshly evaluating others, leading
to cruelty and unreasonable
demands. Also leads to gossip.
Your life (and ministry) will only
Exodus 20:8-11; Luke 11:38-42;
Drivenness: rejecting the sabbath.
work out if you keep working hard.
Psalm 23:1-3.
Rest is more important than work.
Leisure will restore you.
God was a worker (six days of cre-
Sloth / laziness: avoiding hard work
Indulgence in your own rest is
ation, one day of rest).
and suffering; devaluing the signifi-
required to be able to accom
cance of what we are called to be
plish anything.
Make the most of the time, for the
doing. Escapism.
I will always have tomorrow to do
days are evil (Eph 5:16).
what I don't do today.
Self-protection: covering up, with-
drawing or pulling away from com-
munity and ministry in order to
avoid the pain of self-revelation or
intentional suffering.
Divisiveness: acting to cause disuni-
ty in a group by exalting the dis-
tinctiveness of oneself or a sub-
group to which one belongs.
Covetousness: discontent with
what we possess or with our sta-
tion or situation in life. Negative
comparisons with others. Lack of
generosity, hospitality. Gluttony,
hoarding, consumerism.
Deceit: lying; knowingly falsifying the
truth; unwillingness to confess sin.
Lust / Immorality: lack of self-
control in the sexual area. Lustful
thoughts. Inappropr-iate sexual
activity. Use of pornography,
visual stimulation. Creating inap-
propriate sexual tension. Habitual
masturbation.
Pride / self-adulation: savoring
something one has done or said (or
some distinctive) as particularly
good, clever, wise, creative.
Positive comparisons to others.
Competitiveness, provoking others,
and making others look bad.
SENTINEL CASE STUDIES
11
1 You have often heard from Danny, a member of your small group, about
his desire to develop in friendships. The small group offers him great potential in this
area, but he takes little initiative during the evening meetings, and none outside of
that time. Last night presented the perfect opportunity for Danny; the meeting was
structured around a sharing and prayer time in 3-4 person groups. Instead of speak-
ing up and being open, Danny just appeared sullen and distant during the meeting,
and neither listened actively nor sought an opportunity to speak up. The evening
ended and it seemed that nothing had changed.
·What would you like to ask Danny?
·What might be possible heart issues to address?
·How might you say what Danny needs to understand in a hearable way?
·What are the costs to Danny and to the small group if this isn't addressed?
2 Your ministry partner, Anne, always seems nervous about your ministry's
upcoming outreach events, to which many people contribute by playing music, host-
ing, taking care of logistics, and inviting their friends. It seems her demeanor is
affecting the faith and expectations of the rest of the team. You decide to talk with
her.
·What would you like to ask Anne?
·What might be possible heart issues to address?
·How could you frame what Anne needs to hear from you in a hearable way?
·What are your hopes for Anne and for the team?
3 Art, a coworker at your office, is a young Christian and has expressed inter-
est in visiting your church. You have observed Art in the office and on the road-- he
is a fast moving, ambitious guy who drives aggressively and uses his horn a lot. Last
week, Art received word that he didn't get an important assignment he was hoping
for. Upset, Art has begun to find fault with anyone and everyone, including you.
·What might be a good way to proceed with Art?
·What questions do you have?
·What would you hope Art could come to see?
·How might you reflect what you've seen to Art in a hearable way?
SUPERVISION AND FEEDBACK
12
FAST FEEDBACK
: Not simply annually.
Fear or
laziness can
: Generated by actual observation.
prevent
giving
: Not simply "Good job" or "poor performer" but details.
feedback.
: When you observe it you say it.
BOTH
: Public affirmation is very powerful. Not simply on special occa-
sions, when it might be expected.
: Being clear but expressing hope for change.
EXHORTATION PERSONAL CASE STUDY
When is the last time
you had a chance to
give feedback to
someone who might
look to you for lead-
ership?
What did you feel?
What did you think?
What did you say to
that person?
What did you say to
someone else?
What part of this is
hard for you?
A NSWERS AND RESOURCES
13
PAGE 12
frequent
accurate
specific
timely
affirmation
critique
FURTHER RESOURCES
The One Minute Manager is a brief narrative account of an organization led by an
effective manager who is a timely sentinel, out of fierce commitment both to the
people in his organization and its effectiveness as an organization. Part of the One
Minute Manager's secret is in catching people doing something right, and then
praising them for it. But also, he speaks about a "One Minute Reprimand":
"The One Minute Reprimand works well when you:
1. Tell people beforehand that you are going to let them know how they are doing
in no uncertain terms.
The first half of the reprimand:
2. Reprimand people immediately.
3. Tell people what they did wrong--be specific.
4. Tell people how you feel about what they did wrong--and in no uncertain terms.
5. Stop for a few seconds of uncomfortable silence to let them feel how you feel.
The second half of the reprimand:
6. Shake hands, or touch them in a way that lets them know you are honestly on
their side.
7. Remind them how much you value them.
8. Reaffirm that you think well of them but not of their performance in this situa-
tion.
9. Realize that when the reprimand is over, it's over." The One Minute Manager,
p59.
The One-Minute Manager, Kenneth Blanchard and Spencer Johnson. New York:
William Morrow, 1982.
Leadership is an Art, Max DePree. Michigan State University Press, 1987.
Future Grace, John Piper. Multnomah, 1995. For a thorough treatment of the
hearts of unbelief (anxiety, pride, shame, impatience, covetousness, bitterness,
despondency, lust).
A NSWERS AND RESOURCES
14
ATTITUDE OF THE
SIN ' S DECEPTION:
FAITH ' S
HEART
WHAT IS PROMISED?
ANTIDOTE
James 1:3-6: Pray for wisdom.
·Take action, take control, make
Mark 5:21-34: Tyranny of the urgent
Impatience: the feeling that we
things happen.
John 15:6: Apart from me you can
should be getting on with some-
·"God helps those who help them-
do nothing
thing more quickly than we are,
selves!"
Matt 5:5: "Blessed are the meek"
leading to a lack of peace, bouts of
·Get what you can while you can!
Luke 10:25-37: extravagant servant-
anger, lack of love for others, and
·I can't wait. My
is
hood
trying to get blessing "our way."
too important.
Isaiah 64:4: God works if we wait.
Prov. 21:5; Isa 40:28-31; 50:10-11
Josh 1:7-9; Ps 16:11; 23:1-6; 42:1-11;
A reverse pride: You are so messed
Isa 64:4
up, not even God loves you or can
Ps. 73: Worship, focus on God, his
do anything to help you.
help, his justice
"If you had real faith this wouldn't
Romans 8:28-39: All things work
Despondency / despair: believing
be happening to you."
together for good... we are more
that we are at a dead-end with
"Feel sorry for yourself--someone
than conquerers...
no way out, a no-win situation.
has got to." Self pity leads to
Psalm 40: "I waited for the LORD, ...
Leads to burnout, lack of interest
encouragement.
he drew me up from the desolate
in prayer, Scripture, ministry.
Tension in life comes from having
pit"
reality not meet expectations. You
2 Corinthians 4:17; Phil 1:6; Heb
can eliminate this painful tension
10:35-38
by reducing your hope to zero.
Mark 9:24: "I believe, help my unbe-
Hope = reality = 0 ( no tension)
lief!"
If you worry, you can control.
Matthew 6:25-34; 1 Peter 5:7; Phil
Worry is productive.
4:4-7, 13; Psalm 23; Isaiah 7:9;
Anxiety: a lack of peace springing
If you aren't worrying, you haven't
41:10; 43:1-7; 51:12
from dwelling on some dark sce-
done enough. Enough worry
Luke 10:38-42, Mary/Martha
nario that we think will occur in
absolves you if you fail.
Ps 127: "Unless the Lord builds the
the future.
The more worried you are, the
house..."
more God will respond.
Don't go to God, that'll just make
Every sin God can forgive. (1 John 1:9).
your shame worse! Avoid God =
There is no condemnation! Rom 8:1
avoid pain.
But God only forgives sin because of
You have sinned so bad not even
the death of Jesus. Nothing we do
Shame: a belief that we are so
God can forgive you. Wow! You
adds to Jesus' work.
totally identified by our sin that we
are so remarkable!
Psalm 45:10, Ephesias 5:8
have no value, worth.
If you feel bad enough then God
John 21:15-19: The reinstatement of
will forgive you (i.e., you yourself
Peter
can atone for your sins)Enough
Romans 6:5-14; Psalm 139, Nathan
shame will bring forgiveness.
with David: "The Lord has put away
your sin."
Phil 4:12: contentment in all cir-
You deserve more than you have
cumstances.
received. Life has not been fair to
Psalm 37:1-10: "Do not fret over
Jealousy or envy: becoming angry
you. Look at your friends--they get
those who prosper in their
or upset when we see a person get
all the breaks! Focus on your status
way..."
something we wish we had.
as victim: that will help you.
Psalm 73; Gal 5:19-21; Phil 4:12; 1
Thess 5:18
Scriptures taken from New Revised Standard Version of the Bible,
© U.S. Council of Churches. Used by permission.
L E A D I N G E D G E® ©InterVarsity Christian Fellowship 2001
A NSWERS AND RESOURCES
15
ATTITUDE OF THE
SIN ' S DECEPTION:
FAITH ' S
HEART
WHAT IS PROMISED?
ANTIDOTE
Matt 7:1-5: Judge not... also Matt
5:21-4
You will be happier putting others
1 Cor 4:1-5: Let God be the judge
Critical Spirit: exalting oneself by
down. Putting others down feels
Rom 14:13; Gal 5:13-15; 6:1-2
harshly evaluating others, leading
just like being exalted yourself.
Micah 6:8 Walk humbly with God
to cruelty and unreasonable
Your high standards show you are
Matthew 7: Judge not, lest you be
demands. Also leads to gossip.
a person of remarkable
judged.
stature/class/taste.
Luke 18: Parable of Tax Collector
and Pharisee
Philippians 2: consider others; Phil
4:8, think on these things.
If you open up you will experience
pain and disappointment
Mark 8:34-37: Lose your life to gain it
Self-protection: covering up, with-
You will be happier knowing you
Luke 10:25-37: The Good Samaritan
drawing or pulling away from com-
rely only on yourself
1 Cor 12:12-27: The parts of the body
munity and ministry in order to
Others don't merit your trust.
need each other
avoid the pain of self-revelation or
Withholding it will punish them.
Phil 2:1-11: the mind of Christ: a servant
intentional suffering.
God won't protect you; you can,
2 Tim 2:1-13: Share in suffering like a
however, protect yourself.
good soldier of Christ Jesus.
Divisiveness: acting to cause disuni-
Causing disunity increases your
1 Cor 1:10-13; 12:12-13, 24-26
ty in a group by exalting the dis-
own power and hence satisfaction
Gal 5:19-21; 6:7-10; Col 3:11-15
tinctiveness of oneself or a sub-
Only by showing your distinctives
group to which one belongs.
will your superiority be manifest
Covetousness: discontent with
what we possess or with our sta-
Psalm 23; Matt 6:19-21; Luke 12:13-
tion or situation in life. Negative
21; Phil 4:11-13; 1 Tim 6:6-12; Heb
comparisons with others. Lack of
13:5-6
generosity, hospitality. Gluttony,
hoarding, consumerism.
Lev 19:11: You shall not deal falsely...
You shall not lie.
If I speak the truth I will not be
Psa 51:6: You desire truth in the inward
Deceit: lying; knowingly falsifying
happy.
being; therefore teach me wisdom in my
the truth; unwillingness to confess
If people knew the truth about me
secret heart.
sin.
they would reject me.
Proverbs 13:5-6; 20:17
Acts 5:1-10: Ananias and Sapphira
Col 3:9-10
Lust / Immorality: lack of self-con-
trol in the sexual area. Lustful
thoughts. Inappropr-iate sexual
Matt 5:27-30; Mark 7:20-23; 1 Cor 7:8-9
activity. Use of pornography, visual
Gal 5:19-24
stimulation. Creating inappropriate
Gal 6:7-10
sexual tension. Habitual masturba-
tion.
Pride / self-adulation: savoring
Deut 8:14-18; Jer 9:24; Ezek 18:29-32
something one has done or said (or
Matt 23:12: All who exalt themselves will
some distinctive) as particularly
be humbled.
good, clever, wise, creative.
1 Cor 1:28-31: God chose the low ...
Positive comparisons to others.
1 Cor 4:7: "What have you that you did
Competitiveness, provoking others,
not receive? ... Why do you boast...?"
and making others look bad.
James 4:6-8; 1 Peter 5:5
L E A D I N G E D G E® ©InterVarsity Christian Fellowship 2003
A NSWERS AND RESOURCES
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1. You have often heard from Danny....
·What would you like to ask Danny? What were you feeling last night at small
group meeting? I noticed you didn't participate much. After we have talked about
how you could build friendships in the group, what kinds of things do you think pre-
vented your joining in?
·What might be possible heart issues to address? It is helpful to acknowledge that
two things are going on here: Danny probably has a wound to be healed as well as
a deception to be debunked. He needs to receive prayer and attention in a way that
registers as affirmation, that he is valuable and precious to God, and therefore to the
small group. But he also needs to be called past the lies he has believed that no one
cares about him or likes him and therefore he doesn't belong. His belief in those lies
produces a self-reinforcing loop--it makes him less able to initiate, hence less attrac-
tive to initiate with.
·How might you say what Danny needs to understand in a hearable way? "Danny,
I'd like to help you receive what you need to get from God in order to be able to
take steps of friendship in the small group."
·What are the costs to Danny and to the small group if this isn't addressed? Small
group will remain a frustrating time for Danny; more and more it will seem like a
party to which he's not invited but which he sees being played out every week. He
needs to hear clearly that he's been invited, but that he has a role to play if he wants
to feel at home.
2. Your ministry partner, Anne...
·What questions do you have for Anne? How are you feeling about the events? How
have they gone for you? What do you feel good about? Not good about?
·What might be possible heart issues to address? Anxiety, fear, lack of trust in God,
inability to trust others with their role in the program, feelings of carrying the whole
thing on her shoulders. Anne seems to fear that "God won't show up." Perhaps she
thinks, "My worry is the only thing holding this outreach event together." These
things are deceptions. Anxiety robs Anne of the enjoyment and satisfaction of the
event: Jesus is taken out of the picture. It also affects the team's faith and vision.
·How could you frame what Anne needs to hear from you in a hearable way? "I
normally think of you as a fairly joyful person--that's why I was excited to work with
you on these events. But I've been noticing that you seem very tense. It seems like
anxiety has been robbing you of your enjoyment of our outreach. I'd really love to
see you enjoy it--for your own sake, and because I think if you have fun it will be
contagious for the rest of the team. As it stands, it is more your anxiety that the team
is catching from you. What could we do to help you receive a little more freedom
from Jesus, for your sake and for the team's?"
·What are your hopes for Anne and for the team? If Anne has a valid critique of the
outreach events, I want to hear her express it productively, not as worry. I want her
to grow in faith. I also want the team to respond well to her, not just writing her off
because of her needless worry.
3. Art, a coworker at your office, ...
·What might be a good way to proceed with Art? How are you doing? I've noticed
these things... Are they connected? You need to build a relationship with Art with-
out being judgmental.
·What questions do you have? Is Art aware of how he's treating people? Is he
eager to grow? "Art, how do you see this decision? Where is God in it? How could
this be viewed as an opportunity?"
·What would you hope Art could come to see? Art's anger, impatience, entitle-
ment and/or jealousy . I would want him to see the way sin has deceived him to
believe that it is possible for God's good intentions for him to be thwarted by some-
one else's decision re: his career. I would hope Art could see that God is giving him
a chance to trust him.
·How might you reflect what you've seen to Art in a hearable way? It is likely you
have a story of some similar kind of situation where God later made it clear to you
how this decision actually worked out for your good, though you didn't recognize it
at the time. It may be that you are not able to get to a sentinel relationship with Art,
if it seems he's not open to taking a look at how he's responding to this situation.
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