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The Leader as Sage.qxd
If any of you is lacking in wisdom, ask God, who
gives to all generously and ungrudgingly, and it
will be given you. But ask in faith, never doubt-
ing, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the
sea, driven and tossed by the wind; for the
doubter, being double-minded and unstable in
every way, must not expect to receive anything
from the Lord.
James 1:5-7
I m a g e s o f
L E A D E R S H I P
C O P Y R I G H T © 2 0 0 3
L E A D I N G E D G E®
A SKING FOR WISDOM
2
1 KINGS 3:5-28
At Gibeon the LORD appeared to Solomon in a dream by night; and
God said, "Ask what I should give you." 6And Solomon said, "You have
shown great and steadfast love to your servant my father David, because he
walked before you in faithfulness, in righteousness, and in uprightness of
Look for
principles of
heart toward you; and you have kept for him this great and steadfast love,
seeking and
exhibiting
and have given him a son to sit on his throne today. 7And now, O LORD my
wisdom.
God, you have made your servant king in place of my father David, although
I am only a little child; I do not know how to go out or come in. 8And your
servant is in the midst of the people whom you have chosen, a great peo-
ple, so numerous they cannot be numbered or counted. 9Give your servant
therefore an understanding mind to govern your people, able to discern
between good and evil; for who can govern this your great people?"
10It pleased the Lord that Solomon had asked this. 11God said to him,
"Because you have asked this, and have not asked for yourself long life or
riches, or for the life of your enemies, but have asked for yourself under-
standing to discern what is right, 12I now do according to your word. Indeed
I give you a wise and discerning mind; no one like you has been before you
and no one like you shall arise after you. 13I give you also what you have not
asked, both riches and honor all your life; no other king shall compare with
you. 14If you will walk in my ways, keeping my statutes and my command-
ments, as your father David walked, then I will lengthen your life."
15Then Solomon awoke; it had been a dream. He came to Jerusalem where
he stood before the ark of the covenant of the LORD. He offered up burnt
offerings and offerings of well-being, and provided a feast for all his ser-
vants.
16Later, two women who were prostitutes came to the king and stood
before him. 17The one woman said, "Please, my lord, this woman and I live
in the same house; and I gave birth while she was in the house. 18Then on
the third day after I gave birth, this woman also gave birth. We were togeth-
er; there was no one else with us in the house, only the two of us were in
the house. 19Then this woman's son died in the night, because she lay on
him. 20She got up in the middle of the night and took my son from beside
A SKING FOR WISDOM
3
me while your servant slept. She laid him at her breast, and laid her dead
son at my breast. 21When I rose in the morning to nurse my son, I saw that
he was dead; but when I looked at him closely in the morning, clearly it was
not the son I had borne." 22But the other woman said, "No, the living son
Look for
principles of
is mine, and the dead son is yours." The first said, "No, the dead son is
seeking and
exhibiting
yours, and the living son is mine." So they argued before the king.
wisdom.
23Then the king said, "The one says, `This is my son that is alive, and your
son is dead'; while the other says, `Not so! Your son is dead, and my son is
the living one.'" 24So the king said, "Bring me a sword," and they brought
a sword before the king. 25The king said, "Divide the living boy in two; then
give half to the one, and half to the other." 26But the woman whose son
was alive said to the king-because compassion for her son burned within
her-"Please, my lord, give her the living boy; certainly do not kill him!" The
other said, "It shall be neither mine nor yours; divide it." 27Then the king
responded: "Give the first woman the living boy; do not kill him. She is his
mother." 28All Israel heard of the judgment that the king had rendered; and
they stood in awe of the king, because they perceived that the wisdom of
God was in him, to execute justice.
JAMES 1:5-7
If any of you is lacking in wisdom, ask God, who gives to all gener-
ously and ungrudgingly, and it will be given you. 6But ask in faith, never
doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, driven and
tossed by the wind; 7,8for the doubter, being double-minded and unstable
in every way, must not expect to receive anything from the Lord.
PERSUASION, INFLUENCE, AND DECISION-MAKING
4
THE GOAL
Helping people reflect the teachings of Jesus and faith in God in their convictions and
priorities, and to reflect their convictions and priorities in their actions and decisions.
SOLOMON AS A WISE INFLUENCE LEADER WHEN WE ARE INFLUENCE LEADERS
Conformity is
not the goal.
When we consider entering into peo-
ple's lives to influence them, we begin
Solomon with prayer for them and for ourselves,
that God would grant us wisdom. We
for wisdom.
don't need to pray, "If it be your will, O
Lord, grant us wisdom." He delights to
give wisdom to us.
Our goal is not simply that people DO
what we want them to DO, but rather
Solomon highly valued
that they make fully-owned choices
and respected those he leads.
that draw them closer to God. Even as
we endeavor to influence people we
honor and respect them.
Solomon viewed himself as a
We are careful not to manipulate
to help people
people to choose something because
toward their
that choice will serve or benefit us in
some way.
rather than vice versa.
Our goal is not simply that we tell peo-
ple the correct choice to make or path
Solomon was willing to be
to take, but that people come to see
along the way.
how God is working and what he is
saying. We'll sacrifice quick clarity for
eventual ownership.
Our strategy of influence is not
Solomon acted in such a way as to
directed toward others' behavior, but
get to
.
towards their convictions and priori-
ties.
Solomon
When we have received wisdom from
for the
God, we must acknowledge him as
wisdom he has received.
the source and thank him.
PERSUASION, INFLUENCE, AND DECISION-MAKING
5
VERB AL TO OL S O F IN FLU EN C E
In general, most people do not know how to ask good questions well.
Many people prefer to talk than to listen, and the fact is good listeners are exceed-
ingly rare. (People will even pay high hourly prices
O P E N : Y O U A R E T H E E X P E R T
to be listened to well.) Furthermore, when people
How we use
think about influence, in general it takes the form
words is
GOOD QUESTIONS
crucial.
of advice: "What I think you should do is ..."
STORIES
"What I would do if I were you is ..." Advice may
STATEMENTS
be appropriate in some situations, but it undoubt-
BAD QUESTIONS
edly is far overused. Unfortunately, for those who
ADVICE
receive it, it is also probably under-valued.
JUDGMENTS
We have many different verbal tools of influence
COMMANDS
available to us in our friendships, some of which
C L O S E D : I A M T H E E X P E R T
can be very helpful while others detrimental. I think
of them in a continuum flanked by two extremes: closed strategies making the ques-
tioner the expert, and open strategies making the responder the expert.
Influence strategies focused on the
of the
often focus on spelling out approved or correct behavior. This has the advantage of
being
: the actions desired may be quickly understood.
Results: · confusion
· lack of ownership
· feeling manipulated
· feeling controlled
· feeling judged
Influence strategies involving
focused on
and goals (good questions, stories, statements) involve a greater investment of time
and listening effort, but the payoff is found when the person being listened to comes
to
about what appropriate choice would best
fulfill their priorities and objectives.
Results: · ownership
· gratitude
A N EXAMPLE OF ADVICE
6
DILBERT REPRINTED BY PERMISSION OF UNITED FEATURE SYNDICATE, INC
Advice: over-
used but
undervalued.
PERSUASION, INFLUENCE, AND DECISION-MAKING
7
GOOD QUESTION ASKING
Leadership involves two-way communication. In talking with people, the way we use
words is critical. We can encourage or discourage people, open them up or close them
to us; we can motivate and inspire or dampen enthusiasm and engender doubts.
Good ques-
tions are tools
for learning,
We want to learn to ask questions that will involve people in the process. If we only
not probes
for self
ask Yes/No questions, then our ability to dig deeper is limited by our own familiar-
incrimination
ity with the situation or the person. Consider a decision-making discussion with
someone younger. Our goal as leaders is to bring the best information to bear on
any decision, so that the person making the decision can do so with ownership and
confidence.
It is possible to go into a conversation with someone, plan to ask questions,
and it still does not go very well. This is why.
BAD QUESTIONS GOOD QUESTIONS
Yes/No questions: Could,
would, should, do, did,
What, where, when, who, how
will, can
Content-oriented: directed
Process-oriented: directed
toward specific informa-
toward helping the responder
tion the questioner desires
move through a thorough
process of thinking
Leading or manipulative
Stimulates thinking without
hidden agendas
Threatening: out to prove
Non-threatening: deeply curious
a case
with affection and honor
"What are the reasons you
"Why are you ...?" Implies
are...?" Implies there could be
there are no good reasons
many reasons
Creates or exacerbates
Reduces and diffuses defensiveness
defensiveness
L ISTENING SKILLS CASE STUDIES
8
THINKING ABOUT CHANGING
PRESENTING ISSUE
THINKING ABOUT DROPPING
THINKING ABOUT LOOKING
A MINISTRY COMMITMENT.
FO R A N EW J OB .
LIVING SITUATIONS.
Your approval for their
Your advice about how
much longer they should
Your approval for their
What does the
decision to drop the com-
stay in their current, frus-
decision and help at
person seek?
mitment they have made
knowing how to tell their
for your team.
trating, stress- producing
job.
roommates.
You know her roommates
You fear that their deci-
You know the job is frus-
have made different
sion to drop their ministry
trating but are aware of
lifestyle choices which are
What concerns do
commitment is based in
character growth op-portu-
hard for your friend. But
you have?
self-protection, risk-avoid-
nities in it. You aren't sure
you know her conflict
ance or conflict-avoidance
that they should yet leave
avoidance and harboring
rather than in wisdom.
their job
resentments have increased
the tension.
You shouldn't move out of
Don't quit your job quite
your apartment until you
Don't drop your ministry
yet. You haven't learned all
Advice you'd just love
have reconciled in your
commitment! Stop working
you can through it and
to give.
relationships. At that point,
so much on weekends!
your perseverance will be
it may be possible to move
rewarded.
on well.
How do you think the chil-
Have you often quit jobs
Do you have a string of
dren will feel? How will
broken relationships and
(Bad) Questions
quickly when they become
your partners feel?
unreconciled friendships
you'd be tempted
the least bit frustrating?
behind you?
to ask.
What could be a higher pri-
What does it say about you
ority than serving in this
that you don't want to stay
Is this your usual way of
way?
in this job?
dealing with relational
tension?
What are some of the
What are the commitments
things God is teaching you
How have your conversa-
in your week you most
in your current job?
tions gone regarding your
enjoy?
hopes to move out?
How do your current
Open-ended
What is satisfying about
stresses help your depend-
What are the tension
questions that
them?
ence on God? Hinder it?
points in your relation-
would actually
What priorities make this
ships?
help them to
What kinds of near-term
choice look attractive?
better understand
goals can you work
How do you contribute to
their own motives
What priorities would be
toward that will help you
those tensions?
and priorities.
sacrificed by making this
to learn and benefit from
What could you do to
choice?
your current job?
address those tensions?
How could these tradeoffs
When would be a realistic
What would repentance
be avoided?
time frame to consider
look like for you?
leaving?
That the person identify
That the person would be
That the person consider
some of the ways God is
eager to seek reconciliation,
priorities, and make a good
working in their current
regardless of the ultimate
decision in light of those
job, and how facing and
decision to move out or stay
Goal for your help-
priorities. This could include
not running away could
put. That the person would
ful conversation.
dropping the ministry com-
provoke more growth.
have greater hope that rela-
mitment, but for the right
Helping him/her to identify
tional breakdowns can be
reasons.
signs that it is actually time
reconciled and conflict isn't
to move on.
fatal to friendship.
O BJECTIVES, ACTIONS, RISKS
9
OBJECTIVES: GOALS, PRIORITIES, MOTIVES, WHYS, ENDS
What are the reasons you are doing this? What are your hopes behind this
action?
What goals do you have for this period of time?
A conversa-
tional model
What results are you looking for?
for decision
What is the end toward which we are working?
making and
guidance.
These things need to be stated, they are often implicit.
ACTIONS: CHOICES, OPTIONS, MEANS, PEOPLE, RESOURCES
What can you do to accomplish these objectives?
How else could you do this?
How does that action fulfill my objectives?
What are the reasons that this action is the best?
If actions are attractive that don't meet the objectives, there
must be other objectives that aren't being mentioned. Return
to the discussion of objectives.
RISKS: COSTS, CONSEQUENCES, DISADVANTAGES
Are there hidden costs that affect reaching all the objectives? What can go
wrong with this action?
What's the probability of that happening?
If it happens, what are the consequences? How serious are they?
Most decisions are considered as actions. For example: Should I look for a new job? Should we
get married? Where should we go on our vacation? Should we barbeque steak tonight, or
chicken? Etc. Spend more time on the objectives and the action discussion will be more fun and
will go more smoothly.
The leader's contribution: to consider the objectives, help people to own Biblical objectives and
priorities, and to help them make THEIR OWN DECISIONS which help them accomplish their
own objectives in the best way.
ROLE PLAY IN TWOS
ROL E 1 ) Consider a real decision you are facing.
ROL E 2) Ask questions of person 1, using OAR and good questions.
Each person make remarks about the process. Rotate roles and repeat the process.
L ISTENING SKILLS PERSONAL CASE STUDY
10
Presenting Issue (current
or common)
What does the person
seek?
What concerns do you
have?
Advice you'd just love
to give.
(Bad) Questions you'd
be tempted to ask.
Open-ended questions
that would actually
help them to better
understand their own
motives and priorities.
Goal for your helpful
conversation.
COURTROOM QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
11
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q:The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
Actual exam-
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
ples of bad
questions.
Q:Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
Q:Did he kill you?
Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
Q:How many times have you committed suicide?
Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
Q: She had three children , right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q:Were there any girls?
Q:How was your first marriage terminated?
A: by death.
Q:And by whose death was it terminated?
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or female?
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30pm .
Q:And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
Q:Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q:Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q:How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q:But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It's possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere
A NSWERS AND RESOURCES
12
PAGE 4
depended on God, means, ends, misunderstood, motives, honored God and
gave thanks
compliance, identification, internalization
PAGE 5
expertise, influencer, clear
open conversation, priorities, their own clarity
FURTHER RESOURCES
Questions are an integral part of verbal interaction in our society. As with
many other kinds of responses, questions have their strengths and their lim-
itations. Comparatively few people in our culture know how to question
effectively. We often rely on questions excessively and use them poorly.
Questions usually focus on the intent, perspective, and concerns of the lis-
tener rather than on the speaker's orientation. When that happens, ques-
tions are a barrier to communication.
We distinguish between "closed" questions and "open" questions.
Closed questions direct the speaker to give a specific, short response. Open
questions, on the other hand, provide space for the speaker to explore his
thoughts without being hemmed in too much by the listener's categories....
Closed questions are like true/false or multiple choice test questions, while
open questions are like essay questions....
When used skillfully and infrequently, open questions may help the
listener better understand the speaker without directing the conversation. In
the report on their study of open and closed questions, Moreland, Phillips,
and Lockhart write:
Crucial to the giving of open-ended questions is the concept of who is to lead the
interview. While the interviewer does ask questions while using this skill, his ques-
tions are centered around the concerns of the client rather than around concerns of
the interviewer for the client. Questions should be designed to help the client clarify
his own problems, rather than provide information for the interviewer... If the inter-
viewer relies on closed questions to structure his interview, he usually is forced to
concentrate so hard on thinking up the next question that he fails to listen to and
attend to the client.
From Robert Bolton,
People Skills, Simon & Schuster, 1986, pages 44-45.
Scriptures taken from New Revised Standard Version of the Bible,
© U.S. Council of Churches. Used by permission.
L E A D I N G E D G E® ©InterVarsity Christian Fellowship 2003
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