Final Exam

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Final Exam
By Curtis Chang
Sketch for Seeker Meeting
Topic: What Sort of God is On The Other End?
Gene enters, hair messed up, wearing sweatpants, carrying bunch of books, studying furiously
Curtis enters whistling, carrying nothing. He is dressed neatly and wearing a cap
Curtis:
Hey, Gene. You alright? You don't look so good?
Gene:
Hey, which questions did you prepare for?
Curtis:
Well, all of them.
Gene:
All of them?? Oh, man I'm toast! I only made it thru the first six of the ones she
handed out. I was planning to do all of them, but I must've fallen asleep in the middle of studying.
And now all the dates and who is who is getting mixed up in my mind. I just woke up 1/2 hour
ago at my desk!
Curtis picks up one of Gene's notes and examines.
Curtis:
Ooooh, drool city.
Jared enters and sits down.
Jared:
Hey guys, which questions do you think will be on the test?
Gene:
I'm just hoping its going to be something from one thru six! At 50 percent of the
final grade, if I bomb this test, I can forget med school.
Jared:
Why did you just prepare one thru six? Professor X is too smart to do that. See,
you got to have a system. 12 possible questions handed to us, 4 are going to be on the test, right?
There's too much to remember to prepare for all of the question, so you gotta narrow it down. He
figures people who wait until the last minute to study willl just get to the frist few questions or the
last questions. He's just the kind of tricky guy to bury the real question in the middle. So I assign a
numerical value to each question, weighted towards the middle. Now, questions that deal with
topics from the first half of the course get a dedcution, 'cause the midterm covered that. Divide
those figures by the hours it would take to prepare for each question, and then you've got the top
questions it would be most effecient to prepare for.
Curtis and Gene look at each other.
Curtis:
That's crazy. It probably took you longer to figure that whole system out than it did
for you to actually study.
Sani walks in with batch of test books, begins to hand them out.
Sani:
OK, please put away all your materials. You will have X hours to finish this test. If
you have any questions about the test.... oh, no! I'm afraid I've left the actual test back at my
office. Well, luckily its in this building. All of you wait here, I'll be right back.
Gene folds his hands and begins to move his lips very quietly. Curtis leans over and taps Gene.
Curtis:
Hey Gene, did you hear about... oh sorry.... what are you doing?
Gene (obviously embarrased): Uh, nothing. I was just, uh, well, praying that the first six questions
would be on the test. (Laughing self derisively) I'm pretty desperate, see?
Curtis:
I didn't know you're religious.

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Gene:
Well, no I'm not really. Like I don't go to church or anything like that. It's just you
know, it can't hurt, you know. Maybe the Big Guy will look kindly on me for once.
Jared:
What are you guys talking about?
Curtis:
Gene here is praying to God that the first six questions will be on the test.
Jared:
Hmmm... but if you think about it, that doesn't make sense. Prof. X wrote the
exam a while ago. If God hears your prayer now, are you expecting him to miraculously rewrite the
test?
Gene:
Well, I don't know! Look, I don't ask myself questions like that.... its just a personal
thing!
Jared:
No, I didn't mean to insult your beliefs. I believe in God also. Its just that my
picture of God isn't like a real person that you would pray to. God is more like an energy field that
surrounds everything, that is everything, you know? Or sort of like a spiritual force, like pure love
that we're all connected to.
Curtis:
Man, you're starting to sound like Yoda. Energy field do you connect to, eh?
Curtis wiggles his hands in Jared's face playfully. Jared pushes his cap off Curtis' head.
Curtis:
Hey, give that back to me!
Gene picks the cap and pulls out a long folded sheet within.
Gene:
What's this?
Curtis:
Never you mind.
Jared:
Wow, that's one long cheat sheet.
Curtis:
Yeah, what's it to you? Look the test isn't curved, it shouldn't matter to you what I
do.
Gene is staring at him. Curtis stares back angrily.
Curtis:
What? What? Look I don't believe in God so don't give me any religious crap.
Next thing you know, you'll be telling I'm going to hell.
Gene:
I didn't say that. It's just... just..
Curtis:
What? That its wrong? Tell me why its wrong. Give me one good reason why its
wrong. Its only "wrong" if you get caught, Ok? Its only "wrong" 'cause the teacher said so, well
I'm already paying the teacher a friggin' 30,000 dollars a year so don't tell me I got to buy what she
says is right or wrong in addition.
Jared:
Well, look lets all settle down alright. Professor X is going to be back at any
moment. It's cool. You do what you gotta' do, we'll do what we gotta do.
Gene is still looking at him, shaking his head.
Curtis:
Gene, don't pull any your judgementalism on me. Look, God helps those who help
themselves, right? Well, I'm helping myself.
Sani walks back in with test.
"Alright class. There will be four essay questions which cover the most important
topics of the course. You will have 3 hours to answer the questions."
THE END

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