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The Interrogation
The Interrogation
Plug For Winter Retreat
by Curtis Chang
The scene is an interrogation room. Kat is sitting in a chair by
herself, wearing sunglasses, dark hat, and other spy like
paraphernalia. A little to the side, three men are talking. They are
viewing Kat from a one sided window. The men are dressed in ties,
with shirtsleeves rolled up.. The theme music from Mission
Impossible plays.
Jack:
So, this is the Kat, huh? Hey Zack, some big international terroist, hah! She doesn't
look so tough.
Boss:
She doesn't, does she? Tell that to five of my best men who she took out in
Bombay using a chopstick. Tell that to agent 358 who tried to arrest her in Mexico City -- of
course he might have a hard time hearing you since he's in a coma. Tell that to the five KGB men
who thought they had her in Moscow and now are all in a mental ward, screaming in fear night and
day.
Zack:
So, why'd you bring Jack and me in, then, if we're supposed to be so scared of her.
Boss:
Because you're the best interrogators the agency has got right now. Well, actually,
you're the only interrogators we've got right now -- everyone else is still on Winter Vacation. And
we don't have a lot of time left.
Jack:
What's the big rush? What are we supposed to find out?
Boss:
Something's going down next weekend. She's planning something big, real big. So
big that all the big players in the game are going to be there. We've even heard that the terrorist
codenamed, "Los Angeles Alex" is going to be there. You think the Kat is a big catch, if we could
get our hands on "Los Angeles Alex..."
Jack:
So you want Zack and me to find out what, where, and exactly when this is all going
down next weekend, huh?
Boss:
That's right, and a lot is riding on it.
Zack:
Well, something this big that Los Angeles Alex would come... she couldn't possibly
plan all by herself. Who are her accomplices?
Boss:
(Handing the two of them manilla folders). From NSA satellite intercepts, we think
she's working with two others: one Gregory Fung aka the G Funk and one Ohene Asare aka the
Big O. Their most recent pictures are included in there.
Jack:
Wow, two pretty good looking guys.
Boss:
Don't let those suave and debonair exteriors fool you. G Funk and the Big O are
every bit as dangerous as the Kat is. Unfortunately, we have no idea where the two of them are.
So, you'll have to get the information from her.
Jack:
No problem, boss. Let us at her.
Boss:
You two don't have much time to waste. Get to work. Start with the soft approach
and if that doesn't work, don't be afraid to use the rough stuff. Remember, you don't have much
time.
The Boss leaves. Jack and Zack confer breifly, saying "OK, soft first
and then the rough stuff." They enter the room where Kat is
waiting. They make a very intimidating entrance and make aggressive
sounding noises and gestures. They circle ominously and then they
suddenly drop to their knees and start begging Kat.
Both:
Please, please, pretty please. Come on, just tell us what's happening next weekend.
Just a little hint? A teeny weeny little clue? We won't tell anyone. Come on, you're not being fair...
etc.
Kat:
Pathetic, absolutely pathetic. I could squash you like bugs, you are so pathetic.
Zack:
OK, OK, Jack, the soft approach doesn't seem to be working. It's time to go
rough.
Jack:
OK, tough gal, no more Mr. Nice Guy. You tell us what's coming down next
weekend or else... or else... or else... um.... (whispers to Zack): psst, hey help me out here!
Zack:
... Or else something really, really bad is going to happen to you.
Jack:
Yeah, tell us or something really, really bad is going to happen to you.
Kat:
Hah, I've survived the Chinese Water Torture, the Romanian Fingernail Pulling, the
East German electroshock treatment, and the DeWick steamed vegetables ordeal. What could you
possibly do to me?
Zack:
What could we do to you? I'll tell you what we could do to you. We could pull your
hair!
Zack and Jack take a strand on each side of Kat and pull to the side.
Kat grimaces but remains stoic.
Jack:
Just tell us what's going down next weekend. Just tell us where everyone is going to
be. Just give us the answer and the agony will be over.
Kat:
(Spitting at the two): Never, never! You'll never get a word out of me. Bah, I spit
in your face!
Zack and Jack slump their shoulders exhausted. They troop out. of
the interrogation room.
Zack:
We've got to try something else Jack. That gal is just too tough. We've got to use
our brains. We've got to outhink her, trick her into giving away the secret to us.
Jack:
But Zack, you saw what happened in there. We tried the old hair pulling torture and
everything. She'll never tell us a thing.
Zack:
Hmmmm, wait a minute, I've got an idea. She'll never tell US a thing. But what
about her trusted associates. Give me those files on G-Funk and the Big O. Yes, yes, they could
get the secret from her.
Jack:
Wait a minute, are you thinking what I think you're thinking?
The scene shifts while Mission Impossible music plays again. New
scene shows Zack and Jack meeting with Doc, dressed in white
gown. Doc is studying the manila folders.
Zack:
So, Doc, what do you think? Can you change our appearance to match these guys.
Doc:
I don't know, these are two pretty good looking guys. Let me see..., hmmm..
Doc does all sorts of measurements on Zack and Jack's faces.
Doc:
Well, with the latest in laser surgery, plastic implants, chemical dying... I think it is
possible.
Jack:
Well, let's do it. We don't have much time.
Jack and Zack go behind the table up front. Only Doc is visible,
pulling, tugging, making sawing motions, etc., constantly looking at
the dossier. Music is again playing. Doc finally rubs his hands with
satisfaction. Greg and Ohene appear from behind the table. They
look at themselves and each other.
Greg:
Cool, let's do it! Remember, now, we've got to play our cards just right.
Greg and Ohene leap into the interrogation room where Kat is still
sitting.
Kat:
G Funk, Big O, what are you doing here?
Ohene:
Uhhhh, we came here to rescue you. Yeah, we found out they caught you and we're
here to get you out.
Kat:
Well, let's go, we don't have much time to get ready for next weekend.
Greg:
Yeah, that's right. I'm really looking forward to next weekend. Kat, you know, you
being a woman and all, I wanted to ask your advice... what do you think I ought to pack for next
weekend.
Kat:
What do you mean what should you pack? The usual! Some warm clothes, a
sleeping bag and pillow, a flashlight, you know, the usual! What's gotten into you?
Ohene:
Yeah, silly, of course you'd bring the usual. Isn't he silly? Of course you'd need that
stuff because we'll be roughing it, sleeping outdoors, camping
Kat:
What are you talking about? Toah Nipi is one of the most beautiful and
comfortable conference centers in New England! We'll only be outdoors during the free time and
games. Have you forgotten our planning sessions?
Ohene:
I knew that. I knew that. I tell you Kat, I'm especially looking forward to meeting
Los Angeles Alex. It's great that he's going to come all this way just to... just to....
Kat:
Yeah, we sure lucked out. He's one of the best young speakers and teachers in the
country.
Greg:
Yup, talent like that doesn't come cheap. Boy, it sure was expensive getting him.
Kat:
What do you mean? What is wrong with you guys? 35 dollars per person is not
very expensive at all. Plus, from all our recent bank robberies of the Tufts University treasury, we
have plenty of money to fund all our associates to come.
Greg:
I knew that. I knew that. Well, let's go, time is running out, we've got to make it
to... to... to...
Kat:
TCF Winter Retreat '98! Are you guys on something?
Greg and Ohene:
Yes, TCF Winter Retreat '98! Next weekend! Yes, yes, of course. It's all
coming back to us now. Hah, hah, hah, hah.
Greg makes final pitch.
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