"When an alien lives with you in your land, do not
mistreat him. The alien living with you must be treated as
one of your native-born. Love him as yourself, for you were
aliens in Egypt. I am the LORD your God."
Leviticus 19:33-34
What Is a Host Family?
The Host Family Program provides a caring "home away from home"
experience for students from other countries who are
enrolled in local colleges and universities, and who, though
usually already having housing, would like to build a
friendship with a local family. American Christian families
"adopt" international students to learn from them and to
love them as sojourners in our land. Host families seek, by their caring lifestyle, conversation and prayers,
to demonstrate biblical Christianity to these student(s) so
that each might return to his or her country as a maturing
follower of Jesus - a missionary already trained in language
and culture.
"Adoption" means that a family befriends one or more students or
a family of Internationals and builds a friendship through
notes, letters, phone calls, visits and activities together.
Weekly contact is ideal. The "adoption" process begins when
international students and families in the community return
interest and background cards to the Host Family
Coordinator. The Coordinator then matches students with
families, in consultation with both parties, taking into
consideration their preferences of nationality, gender,
marital status, age, academic major and hobbies. Top
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Why Be a Host Family?
Next to getting an education, the greatest desire of most
internationals is to make one close American friend.
However, few are successful, and most never get inside an
American family's home. Host families have excellent
opportunities to fulfill this desire.
There are a number of reasons why being a host family can be the
most complete way of serving internationals as God's Good
News calls us to. First, most internationals, before coming
to the U.S., have lived in the same community and home,
surrounded by their extended family all their lives. When
they come here to study, they face alone the difficulties of
new language, culture, food, values and academic pressures,
with neither the encouragement and help nor the
accountability and discipline that a local extended family
provides. A host family can help.
Second, students get homesick. They miss the presence of
parents, grandparents, siblings and little children. They
miss the comforts and pleasures of a family and of a
home-cooked meal.
Third, research shows that the most important
resource for the adaptation of internationals to the U.S. is
an American friend or family. The most critical period is
the first three months after their arrival. It has been
compared to the bonding of a baby to its parents in the
first couple of hours after birth, when it has a greatly
heightened awareness and acceptance of its surroundings. If
such a relationship is not established with Americans in the
first three months or year of a student's arrival, they will
develop or find an ethnic or international subcultural
group, because they did not find an American friend when
they needed one. Once this happens, whether naturally or by
necessity, the felt need for an American friendship
disappears. The international then usually becomes
increasingly entrenched in the external aspects of an
American lifestyle, while becoming much less open to
Americans, their values and beliefs.
One goal of the Host Family Program, therefore, is to build
growing, lifelong international friendships, based on shared
experiences and mutual understanding A host family's care in
the first three months to a year of a student's arrival can
make the difference between hostility and appreciation. The
host family will also be able to help the student adjust to
practical American living and culture.
Finally, the sustained, deepening friendship of a host family
has incredible evangelistic power because it is so uniquely
different from general American culture, and because it
affords time for the Gospel to be seen and understood in
relationship. A Christian host family must, therefore, also
consider the spiritual implications of the relationship.
Christians yearn to know God and to help others to trust him
as well. As families genuinely care for their students as
friends and whole people, they will also seek and discover
opportunities to help people who are ready to enter the
kingdom of God. Further, growth for both parties results as
each struggles to reconcile differing views with its own
existing cultural grid, and to determine where and how
cultures and biblical Christianity relate. This is essential
to Christian maturity.
Of course, international students are not the only ones
who benefit. The inherent rewards of international
friendships to Americans and their children are many. One
gets to see the world (current events, politics,
distribution of wealth, war, family, relationships, values
and beliefs, etc.) through the eyes of a different culture.
This can affect one's ministry priorities, use of resources,
career goals, choice of friends, and even day-to-day
lifestyle as one is exposed to the variety in God's world
and begins to act on God's intentions for it. Further, being
a host family is a wonderful way to experience the joy of
being a servant for Christ's sake, which Scripture says is
the only road to blessing and life (Mark 8-10). Top
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Understanding International
Friendships
International students have three role needs that host families
can help them meet:
The Student role - Internationals are very
intelligent, but often are under pressure from
governments and family to excel, are stunned by U.S.
competition, and struggle with language. They need
encouragement, without having their time monopolized.
The Ambassador role - Internationals need and
desire to share what their country and culture are like
and to clarify misconceptions. Inquire and listen without
pride or being judgmental.
The Tourist role - Internationals need and
desire to see and learn about our country and culture.
You are an expert!
Friendship patterns tend to be different in most
nonwestern countries from those in western countries:
Western (especially U.S.)
friendships
Nonwestern friendships
low obligation
high obligation
short duration
long duration
high trust (develops quickly)
high trust (develops slowly)
broad scope
narrow scope (few people)
Therefore, though internationals may wait a long time
before calling someone their friend, once they do, they will
give their life for them. On the other hand, Americans
appear naive and superficial in their friendships. Here is
where Christ-motivated friendships can stand out in
wonderful contrast. Top
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Practical Suggestions for the
Host Family
Help the student to become familiar with the
"American way of life" such as vending machines,
laundromats, supermarkets, checking accounts, the Post
Office and other similar customs.
Introduce the student gradually to the community. If
possible, it may be a good idea to invite the student to
observe or participate in civic or professional
activities in which the host family is involved. Inviting
them to your church or home Bible study as you get to
know each other would be helpful.
Familiarize the student with American social customs
and manners. Help in the acquisition of practical
idiomatic English as spoken in the United States. Provide
information into aspects of community living which
interests the student most, such as government, business,
education, the arts and recreation. You could introduce
them to Americans working in their field of study.
Holidays are a lonesome time for students. College
residence halls are sometimes closed and the food service
often closed or limited during some holidays and between
semesters. Help the student plan for these periods.
Either provide or help the student locate a place to
stay, or help arrange travel tours during these
periods.
The basic guideline is to do the things your family
normally does, and invite your student to do them with
you.
Hospitality Hints
You may wonder what to do when international students come to
your home. Here are some helpful preparations you can make:
Learn something about their country, culture and
customs before their visit. Seek to know them. You may
get more information from your local library or from an
encyclopedia.
Make sure that time, place, dress, transportation and
duration of activity are clearly understood. Provide
transportation where needed. Give all details in writing
if possible (e.g. on a postcard). Then call a few hours
before the appointment to confirm plans.
Different cultures have different views of time. Do
not be surprised if they come late. Still respect
their time and need to get home to study. You may
wish to invite them to see your home as a quiet place
they can retreat to be alone or to study.
Welcome them with warmth and friendship. Learn to
pronounce their real name. Practice pronouncing their
name with them until you can say it reasonably well.
Refreshments - juice, tea, coffee or soft drinks - are
always appropriate and appreciated.
Speak distinctly but not loudly. It is more helpful
to pause between sentences than to speak each word
slowly. Try to avoid use of slang. Ask them to repeat
anything you do not understand. Encourage your friends to
ask you to do the same.
Have a simple dinner but have plenty of food. Respect
dietary restrictions.
Help the student(s) feel at home. Be natural and
informal. Find mutual interests or hobbies. Treat them as
part of the family. Explain new things to them. Show them
around your home but don't brag. Share photographs.
Show real interest in the international students. Get
them to talk about themselves. Ask about family,
education, religious background, home life, culture,
customs, food likes and dislikes, aspirations, activities
and plans. Learn greetings in their language. Give them
time to answer, and encourage them to ask questions about
you as well.
Be interested in the problems of international
students. Most are much more willing to talk about
politics or religion than are Americans, but remember:
discuss, but don't argue. And don't pry if they seem
hesitant.
You may not always understand or agree with your
international student, but you should be willing to
accept him or her and their perspectives, while avoiding,
as much as possible, making value judgments of "right and
wrong" or "better and worse" between aspects of their
culture and yours. Recognize these as simply
"different".
Make plans for your next get-together before taking
your friend(s) home. The worst thing you can do is to see
the student one time and never have contact again. They
wonder what went wrong and why you didn't like them. Try
at least twice.
Your Guest at the Dining
Table
Frequently, invitations to international students include a
meal. This is an ideal way to get to know a foreign guest.
There are, however, certain things to remember in planning
and preparing a meal.
The meal should be served in a relaxed and unhurried atmosphere.
Most Internationals are unaccustomed to the way Americans
quickly devour their food. In some countries it is not the
custom to talk while eating, so don't take your guest's
silence as a mark of uneasiness or ungratefulness. In some
cultures it is considered impolite to accept a second
serving until it has been offered several times. So be
careful to discern whether the guest does not care for any
more of the American-type food or if she or he has had
enough to eat. When in doubt, offer at least three
times.
Remember, your guest may have some dietary restrictions because
of religious or cultural background. Try to ascertain some
of these restrictions prior to arrival, and plan your meal
accordingly. If this is not possible, include ample amounts
of vegetables in your meal just in case the visitor is a
vegetarian. For example, devout Muslims will not eat any
pork products, and some may desire that all meat be bought
from a Muslim store. It is always appropriate to ask. Top
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Some Organizational Things You Need to
Know About the Host Family Program
You should make contact with your student(s) as soon as possible
after being matched - within a week at the latest. The
students have already indicated the desire to get to know an
American family and thus are waiting for you. They will also
be encouraged to take initiative with you but, as members of
the host country, you will be responsible to take initiative
both at the outset and throughout the relationship.
Let the Host Family Coordinator know if your friendship is not
developing as you would like or if questions or concerns
arise. If you cannot reach your student right away, or if
you are unable to follow through on your commitment, let
your coordinator know immediately. Please do not just
quit.
The Host Family Coordinator will provide recruitment and
training resources for church and community groups,
including media, materials and teachers. The training will
include:
Biblical basis of ministry to internationals and
prayer for the nations
Meeting the basic needs of internationals - physical,
emotional, social, academic and spiritual
Cross-cultural friendship and communication
skills
Understanding other belief systems and communicating
the Gospel to them
Practical ways of sharing God's love
The goal of the training will be to help God's people to
understand and love practically "the aliens who live among
them."
At least once per semester there will be a large group Host
Family event where each family brings its student(s) to
share together (e.g. Thanksgiving Banquet in the fall and
Easter Picnic in the spring). Families will be provided with
invitations to give to their students for the event. At each
of these events, the Gospel will be shared in a seasonally
appropriate and cross-culturally sensitive manner. The
students will be informed of this through their invitation
before coming to the event.
Host families will be followed up monthly through phone calls
and letters. They are also urged to come to a monthly
meeting for training, encouragement and to pray together for
their students.
After the first semester a church has participated in the Host
Family Ministry, host families and the Coordinator will
evaluate successes and frustrations, and pray together about
the future. At this point, one or more people need to be
identified as Host Family Assistant Coordinator(s), to be
responsible for organizational aspects of the ministry for
that church. Once these new leaders are raised up, the Host
Family Program becomes more self-perpetuating and
self-propagating, and the Host Family Coordinator is freed
up to help new churches become involved with international
students. Encouragement
When your international student thinks back about their first
visit to your home, it is likely that the student will not
be too concerned about your dishes or home or knowledge. The
attitudes which prevailed in the home, the warmth of
friendship,your deep concern for their well-being, and your
interest in their country will be remembered. These
attitudes can exist in an exclusive suburban home, humble
apartment, or farmhouse. You are the one that makes the
difference in this situation.
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