by Greg Jao

"Isn't that a woman's book?", I'm often asked by confused, and slightly suspicious, friends of both genders as they read the title of the books I hold in my hairless Asian arms. "Why are you reading it?"

Replying "Because I care about ministering with excellence and not ignorance" unnecessarily alienates and may reveal a little insecurity. So, instead, I remind them that I am a supervisor and supervisee, mentor and mentee, discipler and disciple, teacher and student, son and brother, uncle and husband, and friend of women. They shape my ministry context and define over fifty percent of my mission field. I point out that just as I would never speak from Scripture without faithful study of its meaning and message, I hope I would never speak to students without meaningful engagement of their context and condition. Finally, I add, as a man, I need particular help understanding women because so much of our culture presupposes male perspectives and patterns.

"Take the book, More than Serving Tea, for example," I say. "InterVarsity's leadership grid looks for people who volunteer, people who speak up, people who act quickly. How do you unlock the gifts of a people who have been taught and who value self-effacement, silent suffering, and patience? We may fail to develop incredible leaders because we lack the eyes to see them. And I learned a lot about Asian communities that InterVarsity only reaches poorly: students from Southeast Asia (e.g., the Philippines) and South Asia (e.g., Pakistan). They represent a huge ministry opportunity for us that no other ministry is reaching."

If they still seem interested, I say, "I've taught Asian American seminars at Urbana Conventions and at Fortune 100 companies. I've contributed to a book on the subject. But women make up a majority of our Asian American staff team and students. I need to hear and to understand their struggles with sexuality and success, ministry and maternity, cultural conflict and conformity."

"These authors also tell a great story," I add. I notice their eyes flicker down, and I decide they’re looking at the books again – and not at my arms. "Next book I'm going to finish is Wanting to Be Her. It's about body image."

What book or books would you recommend to help men better understand the women in their lives? Offer your suggestions in the Comments section below.

Greg Jao is the regional director for InterVarsity's ministry in New York and New Jersey.