Dear Mentor: Is it possible to have a family and an academic career?
Dear Mentor:
I am a single woman in graduate school who doesn't plan to be single or in graduate school forever. But when I look at the pressures my professors are under, I wonder if it's possible to be married, have children, and have a fulfilling academic career. What has been your experience? |
From mentor Sylvia Chen:
It's possible, especially if your husband chooses to be a stay-at-home dad! When pregnant with my first child, we explored all sorts of childcare options such as a nanny, home-based childcare, and institution-based childcare. In the end, we weren't comfortable with a decision even though we had several high-quality options. After struggling for months (and past the birth day of my child), I acknowledged to God that I would be willing to do anything along the spectrum: from stay-at-home mom to full-time childcare. At the same time, but separately, my husband also gave God full reign over this decision. It's a funny thing, but when I told my husband that I would be willing to quit my job, he said that he had decided to stay at home. I didn't believe him, tried to talk him out of it for a week, and finally acquiesced several days after he gave his notice. As with women who become stay-at-home moms, it took my husband a couple of years to transition to the new role. But nine years (and two more children) later, we all know that it was a great decision made possible by obedience to God.
When I finally stopped grasping for control to get what I thought I wanted, when I reluctantly faced "sacrificing" my career, then God gave me what I desired. I know that for other women, this struggle will result in discovering that what is really desired (but maybe never known before) is a primary role as a mother.
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