What's Your Philosophy of Parenting?
If you are a parent, or intend to become a parent, how would you articulate your philosophy of parenting? Are you struggling to choose what parenting book(s) to read? Do you desire to delve into the concept of parenting?
If any of these describe you, then I’d recommend you invest in reading material by Wise Stewards: Philosophical Foundations of Christian Parenting, he constructs “a philosophical approach to family life that is theologically sound, philosophically defensible, and also intensely practical” (15). He speaks as a young academic and a parent; one who rejects the myth of the perfect family and confesses how much family reveals one’s selfishness (96, 91).
Austin opens by letting the reader know that he assumes the essentials of the Christian faith. Then he turns to outlining and critiquing several popular parenting perspectives. As one surmises from the title, Austin argues for a stewardship view of parenting. What does it mean for parents to be “wise stewards?”
Stewards do not own what they care for; rather they are entrusted with caring for something that does not belong to them. Christian parents care for children on behalf of the children, placing the children’s interests above their own. This is a job that has been entrusted to parents by God. Parenthood is truly the ultimate stewardship, and to be faithful stewards requires a lot, including wisdom. From this basis of understanding what parenthood is, we will be able to draw many valuable and practical applications for its proper practice (24 – 25).(Emphasis added).
Austin roots parenting as stewardship in our reflection of the image of God (68 – 74). Below is an extended quote from “Chapter 3: Stewardship and Shalom.” The rest of the book works out these concepts in the exploration of “Key Virtues for Christian Families,” “Everyday Ethics for Christian Parents,” “Reproductive Technologies and the Christian Family,” “Conclusion: A Call to Parents”:
For the follower of Christ, an approach to life focusing on the heart infuses life with meaning and brings drama to even the little everyday things of ordinary life. This is true of parenthood, as parents have the opportunity to help another human being realize his or her full potential on the way to an eternal, loving communion with God and all who have chosen to enter into this fellowship. This is the path to true happiness, to genuine wholeness, to shalom.
This is the goal that parents should be aiming for as stewards of their children. As such, parents become involved in God’s plan for redemption, as they work with God to restore their children (and themselves) from the effects of the fall. … human beings have a tendency to sin …
Much of Christian teaching and parenting does not reflect on the mystery of the child but rather on discipline and sometimes punishment. I believe there is a place for this. However, if the primary aim of parental discipline is to gain control over the child, making life easier for the parent, then something is wrong. … the child is finite … bad things will happen to the child that are unforeseen and unpreventable (Of course, good things that are unforeseen happen as well.) … transience to the accomplishments of the child and so also to the role of the parent in helping the child to realize those accomplishments. …
But what specifically does it mean that the child is a mystery? It means that the child is not a project but a person, and persons are mysterious. It means that the inner life of the child is mysterious to adults, even though adults were once children themselves. And it means that the child cannot be reduced to be a mere collection of genes with particular disposition to behave in certain ways due to the way neurons fire in the child’s brain. Such an approach reduces children to biological machines to be manipulated, treated, controlled (81 – 85, emphasis added).
While reading Wise Stewards, I asked academic friends for input on their philosophy of parenting. Here’s what I received from a family of six:
“Generally speaking, I think we’ve developed a theory of benevolent neglect — meaning we don’t schedule every moment of their days, nor do we feel bad if we’re not actively entertaining them every moment. A little boredom is good for a person. Also, the longer we’re at this, the less I think I can control. Think you can control your kids and you get a rude awakening, very quickly. A week does not go by without one of my kids embarrassing me in public. I’m not okay with this yet — it’s very hard to shake the notion that other people are evaluating you by your kids’ behavior. Probably because it’s true. But it shouldn’t bother me. My kids are teaching me that when they do something that irritates me, 90% of the time what’s wrong has to do with me and my reaction to it, not their actual behavior. I have never felt more helpless and immature than now, in my 14th year of parenting, and knowing that trying to get it all together is a mirage I’m better off not to aim for. Good enough is okay; striving for perfection can be downright dangerous — it results in being so stressed out I am crazy mom.”
“I’m not certain how this affects guiding children’s spiritual development. Except that I do see it as ‘guiding.’ You can’t force your kids to become Christian. You just can’t. And it’s better not to make God a power play. Our eldest is having predictable teen doubt issues, particularly in regard to portions of the Old Testament.
That’s okay. It has to be okay, because it can’t be otherwise. Our kids have to walk their own path. We can point them to it. More importantly, we can model the road that we want them to take. But they have to choose to step on and keep walking.”
In conclusion, if you are a parent, or intending to be a parent, take some time to articulate your philosophy of parenting. If you’re looking for some guidance, I’d recommend Michael W. Austin’s Wise Stewards: Philosophical Foundations of Christian Parenting. The well-written, 192 page book is packed with challenging and insightful material. Each chapter ends with “Questions for Reflection and Application,” a helpful resource for personal consideration and/or directing group discussion.
May God the Father give you discernment as you consider next steps in your personal relationships. If you are a parent, may you receive the grace and insight to be a wise steward. May the houses of the people of God be “places of shalom” … “touch points between heaven and earth, where the kingdom of God breaks through into our daily lives and is extended to those outside of the home” (192). May Emerging Scholars and young faculty who are parents, “be the type of parents who possess and share the wisdom and love that our children need in order to experience and extend shalom throughout the course of their lives” (192). To God be the glory!
Thomas B. Grosh serves the central PA region through InterVarsity Christian Fellowship and you can read more about his journey as a parent on his personal blog.
|
Thomas B. Grosh IV serves as part of InterVarsity’s Graduate & Faculty Ministry in South Central Pennsylvania and writes for the 
